The penis torch

4/16/2010 03:33:00 pm / The truth was spoken by Rich /

Sometimes a supreme idea pops into my head in the dead of night, but often unless I write it down, it can be lost forever. I thought I had one such moment of inspiration last night as a matter of fact when I got up to go for a wee. I felt it was one of those eureka moments, but sadly once I'd returned to my bed I was forced to concede it was a false alarm.

The idea was a penis torch. You know how when you go for a wee in the middle of the night you don't want to put the light on because it hurts the eyes, so you sort of guess where you're urinating and consequently your aim is often a little off so there is some cleaning up to be done if you live alone or some explaining to do come morning if you live with someone.

So I thought how good it would be to have a torch you could strap onto your penis like the SWAT teams attach to their rifles. It would create a minimum of lighting so you could aim properly without having to turn the light on, but not so much light that it would hurt your peepers.

Of course I soon realised that my sales pitch for such a product would not be well received on the Dragons Den. I would be ridiculed and laughed out of the building;

"Look mate, this torch is eight inches long for crying out loud, meanwhile the average adult male's cock is between 5-7 inches. For that reason alone I'm out."
Duncan Bannatyne

"What are you some sort of cunt? The straps are so fiddly you'd have to put the light on to attach it properly. And also, what's wrong with just using a fucking torch knob head? I'm out."
Peter Jones

"I love cock! ...I er...I...did I say that out loud?"
Deborah Meaden


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