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Sky Television have a very distinct style when presenting sport; loud, big and wherever possible, women strutting about with their tits out. I had assumed their presentation of this evening's Leadership Debate would be more refined, but no.

If this projection onto the White cliffs of Dover is anything to go by, I fancy, unless we all have our wits about us it won't always be clear if we're watching the debate or the darts. The darts in fact has more relevance and importance to more people's lives than this debating nonsense.

Speaking of this projection, how ridiculous does that look! It's almost impossible given the impoverished nature of politics today to believe there was a time, back in the day when Statesmen were revered men and worthy of being carved into a mountain side. From Mount Rushmore to Nick Clegg in just under 70 years.

If this is how it's going to be I hope Sky have walk on girls tonight also. This is when we'll see Nick Clegg in his element. Let's see him remain composed and deliver his confused nonsense with a full erection.

I fancy Nick Clegg to really embarrass himself this evening and his polling numbers return from whence they came. The current percentages are an aberration and somewhat reminiscent of the 1992 polls.

They all had the Labour party clearly ahead, but when push came to shove, on polling day, the nation just couldn't bring itself to vote in a balding, Welsh, lunatic, communist.

Gordon Brown meanwhile could produce a horror show of false emotions in order to make a last ditch effort to prove once and for all to the electorate that he does not eat babies. I personally find a baby-eating Gordon Brown more appealing than a laughing happy-go-lucky Gordon Brown; if he over does it and intends to open the debate with some Mother-in-law gags and attempts a few one liners, he ought to keep a taxi waiting as a hasty retreat may be necessary.

David Cameron finally, will I fancy try and be more aggressive tonight. I think we'll see up to 35% more frowning, finger pointing and sneering. He'll also be staring at the camera with crazy eyes, so do not sit within eight feet of the telly if you're planning on tuning in.

Regardless of what occurs this evening, I have punched the numbers and it all makes no difference. It's almost impossible for the Lib Dems to actually secure a majority - in fact the computer models that translate polling percentages into seats aren't able to accept such huge swings in polls so predicting what it all means in terms of seats is guess work. What's clear is a hung parliament is almost assured and when that happens I am moving to France until I can locate a suitable cave. In real terms, this debate's only purpose will be to provide TV shows like 'Have I got news for you' with much material for future years.

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Labels: Funny, Nonsense, Politics