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Manchester United appear to have signed Javier Hernández!! Oh this is a shocking state of affairs. My whole fucking reason for adopting Mexico in the first place was because they didn't have any Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea or Sperz players.

You will of course understand if you read my blog regularly that Chicharito is my boy, my hombre, my amigo. I have backed him to win the Golden Boot at the World Cup and desperately wanted to see him signed up by the Arsenal.

I said you'd see him in Europe after the World Cup, but I was realistically thinking Spain. I was hoping Arsenal, but I was thinking Spain. Please the Gods, pleeease don't let him end up in that graveyard for promising footballers.

They're only buying him so every freakin' Mexican in the whole world will buy a United shirt with "Chicharito" on the back. Ferguson doesn't know how to coach players, he'd have no idea how to make Hernández into a world class footballer.

Once they've sold about 100 million of those shirts and ruined the lad, they'll sell him to some obscure Spanish team or send him back to Mexico and forget he ever existed. They've done it before; they bought Chineser Dong Fangzhuo so the whole of China would buy United shirts. He played one game and they sold him.

I can only assume they play Ji-Sung Park for the same reason? Can't think why else he'd get a game. And Owen too in order to corner the spud faced chancer market. Urrghh, the thought of all those ape like Mancs trying to pronounce Chicharito makes me ill. Cheeechuuureeeetooow son come on lad.

Cameron is messing about with sandwiches now Manchester United are messing about with my little pea. Can it get any worse? Can it? Fuck my life. I couldn't feel any more betrayed if I woke up tomorrow to find Subway are to be the next shirt sponsor of Tottenham. Sickening stuff. I give up.

Enough to make you eat kebabs sober