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So now, it's only been a few days since Sarah Palin - who from here on in will be referred to as Die Nachthexe, 'the night witch,' as she reminds me so much of the plastic boobed monster responsible for my appalling sexual ordeal in the darkness of the Glitter Gulch - was introduced to the Mercan people as John McCain's Vice President pick, but the intraweb rumour mill is already in full effect.

There's a storm a brewing off the political coast and it makes hurricane Gustav, which is pounding the coast of Louisiana as we speak, look like one of my nans farts. The eye of the storm centres around Sarah Palin's fifth son Trig. I shit you not his name is Trig! In fact her progeny all seem to have been named after oil platforms; Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper - that's a scandal in itself in my world.

So this Trig kid is the one with Downs Syndrome, the rumour is that he is not in fact Sarah Palin's son, he is in fact Sarah Palin's grandson. His real Mammy is in fact Bristol Palin or Brizzle Palin who is 16 years old and according to her classmates, already an experienced cocksmith.

I've got some of my people embedded in an Alaskan gun and porn store and have been receiving trickles of information regarding this potential scandal. It appears young Brizzle was taken out of school for 5 months prior to young Trig's arrival with nothing more than an elongated bout of food poisoning.

Also, Die Nachthexe did not announce she was in the club until she was supposedly seven months gone. Also people, also, she looked about as up the duff at that time as me after eating a large bowl of super noodles.

My guy working at Alaskan Joe's Guns and Buns tells me Sarah Palin was in Dallas when her 'water broke' and despite one of the best maternity units in the country being just a few blocks away in Dallas, she hopped on a plane to Seattle and another one back to Alaska which I think takes about a week or at least 12 hours, so an Alaskan OBGYN could deliver baby platform Trig.

They won't let you fly when you're more than seven months pregnant and certainly no airline will let you fly when your shoes and tights are caked in fluids. It's all very suspicious as all these juicy developing conspiracy theories are, but I think there's some fire beneath this smoke.

She is clearly mental. Her daughter is the one who looks like she's showing not her mother in pictures from that time and astonishingly, the McCain lawyer dudes didn't bother vetting this woman as she was such a last minute desperate pick to try and spice up his campaign which was/is dying on it's feet.

I do hope this is true. This is a serious blog as you know and we don't usually like to concern ourselves with this sort of rumour mongering, but as soon as this election is over as a contest the better it'll be for the whole wide world. Her being a woman and all that glass ceiling breaking pales into insignificance if it becomes apparent that she's a freaky lying nut-job.

You can't elect a woman who claims to be nigh on hysterical about abstinence, to the Vice-Presidency when her own daughter is putting out whenever there's a cock within two feet of her. And you can't elect John McCain to the office of the most powerful man on the globe when clearly his judgement stinks. More on this as we get it. Awesome.