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It's a curious business this John Terry affair isn't it. Not his affair, I mean this England captaincy business. Speaking as a neutral what with me being Mexican and all, I don't see how the situation is resolved by just removing a piece of red and white elastic from his left arm..it appears to me that come June when the World Cup kicks off, if you have John Terry in the squad and Wayne Bridge and the rest of the players in one corner or another, you still have a divided dressing room. So you either drop him from the squad altogether, or carry on no?

It's curious too what the justification eventually was for his dismissal. It seemed it was OK that he'd fucked a team mates' girlfriend right up until it was disclosed he'd also sold his Wembley Box for monies sneaky like. Times have changed, for sportsman and politicians, it's no longer an automatic resigning affair if you've just sexed around a bit, it's only when there's been some financial impropriety too when the wicket becomes decidedly sticky.

The First Minister's wife in Norn Iron Iris Robinson is another example. There was a great effort to ignore the fact that she'd fucked a 19 year old and in the process made herself a huge adultering hypocrite given her pious lambasting of the gayers...it was only when it was discovered she'd used her influence to help the fella secure something like £50,000 to start a business that there became too much shit to sweep under the carpet.

England's problem appears to me to have been compounded by the inevitable appointing of Rio Ferdinand as his successor. Rio might be the natural successor to John Terry, but not for positive reasons. This to me is like curing a headache by rendering the patient unconscious.

People in football have very short memories. If the motivation behind stripping John Terry of the captaincy was to make some sort of statement about morality and respectability, surely you don't replace him with someone who was banned for a year from driving for speeding and being so pissed when the police caught up with him he was seen trying to fit ten pence pieces into the dashboard of his car thinking he was playing classic arcade game OutRun. He was also banned for eight months for missing a drugs test in order to go shopping and is currently banned for punching an opponent.

However, when you consider the other candidates, Rio does seem to be the best of a bad bunch and hasn't, crucially, been involved in any financial scandals. Steven Gerrard would be in jail now if he weren't a footballer; Wayne Rooney sleeps with septuagenarian prostitutes, Ashley Cole enjoys putting mobile phones in his anus and the rest of the squad have only been kept out of the headlines because they weren't high profile enough.

Labels: Football, Funny