Play-offs? I shit 'em

2/19/2010 11:05:00 am / The truth was spoken by Rich /

I've just now seen David Benyamine has won the Poker Premier League IV. Won the final table he did. I've not been up long, but when I read this I thought to myself, I thought, I thought....funny!

It's not really a league is it if they're gonna have a final table. Have they always done this with the PPL? If so, what's the difference between this and all the other one table TV tournaments; your Poker Million, your Late Night Poker, your Poker Open and so on?

A league is surely a bunch of heats with points allocations for placings and whoever has the most points wins. That's a league that is. To finish it off with a final table play-off turns the 'league' into - in football parlance - a cup competition and anyone can win a cup competition. Even Tottenham have won the FA Cup for example.

If they think a final table is necessary for TV purposes or excitement purposes or to give it a nice even finish, then fine people, just don't call it a league. That's what I always say. I of course just don't want to see a fat headed Frenchman winning. He'll only go off and donate the money to the Argie bargies so they can buy missiles for to harm our lads, our boys, our lads.

Speaking of play-offs, this idea to have an end of season play-off for the fourth Champions League spot - if I've ever heard such nonsense before, then my memory has blocked it out to save me from bursting like a bally balloon.

On many many levels this is a proposal that could only come from a man borne from a sexual coupling twixt lunatic and glamour model. As I've just explained, the purpose of a league is that teams are rewarded for a seasons performances. If you finished seventh I'm afraid you just weren't good enough. Meritocracy isn't a dirty word.

What point anyway would there be in putting a team that could only finish seventh in the Premier League into the Champions League? They wouldn't even make it out of the qualifiers. And if I'm right and countries accumulate points according to how their teams perform over the years, then this would ultimately reduce England's points score and our allocation of a fourth spot would then be in danger of being withdrawn.

I'm sorry if by late April there are a few teams that have nothing to play for and their fans therefore might lose interest and not show up, but that's no justification at all to introduce this lunacy.

I'm old school about this, I still think the Champions League should be only for Champions. But since Arsenal get to play in it the way they dish out the places currently, I'm willing to live with it, but to water it down even further - well it's like something a Communist would come up with. Or one of those bureaucrat tossers with a comb-over who want to ban sports day because fat kids who can't run might get upset at losing.

A play-off system, that's what we need: a tosser yesterday

Why not just do away with the points system altogether? Everyone plays 38 games just for the hell of it and then at the end of the season four teams are just drawn from a hat and they play the Champions League. Let's have one thing or the other.

We either have a proper competition where you get what you deserve according to your points, or we go gay and do away with competition and just play for play and all hold hands and sing songs and suck each other's cocks. I know what Ashely Cole would prefer, but I'm happy keeping things the way they are thank you very much indeed.


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