Today's business

7/03/2009 10:19:00 am / The truth was spoken by Rich /

I've just been out to buy a pint of milk. Guess what, go on guess...?

...I knew you wouldn't get it. They're not for sale no more! The Spar has gone metric!! I had to purchase 500mls instead. Is this a recent thing? I knew this would happen. I bet the Government introduced this when the news channels were busy interviewing Al Sharpton about Jacko's nose.

I don't care if Imperial measurements are antiquated and make little sense in today's world where people are now so many funny shapes and sizes, but damn it, milk from these containers, it just doesn't taste the same.

Back off Brussels, or you'll be receiving an email 20 times worse than the one I'm getting ready for Gordon Brown. Do you hear me? Hören Sie mich? Pouvez vous m'entendre? Bastards.

I do so hate to begin the day with my dander up don't you? I've forgotten now what I really wanted to talk about. Ummmmmm, oh yes, Tennis. I'm going to bet on Andy Roddick today. I have a few quid to spare after wagering on Keltic Lord yesterday which I was able to back at a juicy price of...look away Paul....18/1 WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO.

My justification for such a seemingly DOA wager is simply that I don't like Andy Murray and I want to profit when he finally fails, which, given his inherent Jocklitude, should be any time now.

Also, I'm hearing from my man in London that it's going to rain today, this will mean a Centre Court with the roof closed and an air conditioned environment which will suck the humidity from the place giving Roddick's serve an extra bit of zip no?

Possibly, but more than likely Murray will just choke and all those fat English women who forego their dignity and surrender their shame when throwing their flabby arms in the air and squealing in delight like pigs rolling in a puddle of mud whenever he wins a point will be silenced, affording them valuable time to re-evaluate their allegiances and remind themselves that he is a Scottish subordinate who ought to be working the granite mines in Aberdeen and not worthy of their praise.

A shameless English crowd praising a subordinate

Finally, it's stage one of the hellish nightmare of the tour of France tomorrow. It's not the demands on stamina which make this race such an ordeal, it's simply that you have to see so much of the country.

People initially mocked François Grosvalet who was the sports advisor to the French penal system who came up with the idea of a Tour de France for the nation's convicts. But I'm telling you, it's worked.

The 200 rapists and murderers who took part in this tour are now the most law abiding and passive citizens in the country. It's no coincidence of these 200 most dangerous of men who had racing bicycles underneath them, none of them made an attempt at a break-away from the peleton. They were in no hurry to see France even if it offered an opportunity to escape.

Anyways, I'm backing Fabian Cancellara to win stage one. He seems to be showing the most enthusiasm of all the competitors to get this stage over with a quickly as possibly.

Cancellara struggles with the overwhelming stench of rotten onions at last years tour.

Today's wagers: Andy Roddick win; Fabian Cancellara to win Stage one of The Tour of France

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