Voy Por Ustedes

The mystery surrounding the lighting of the Olympic flame is about to be solved, but there's still time to get your bets on. Let's have a quick look at some of the candidates.

LIU XIANG - 2/1

China's best track athlete is a firm favourite with a bookie friend of mine from Shanghai who also traffics Chinese boys to Canadian lumber jacking communities.

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Xi Xi Xi ZHONG KONG BONG TONG WONG - 3/1

My bookie friend has seen big money from the Arab syndicates over the last twenty four hours for this guy. As you may be aware, the Chinese are very superstitious, more so than Stevie Wonder and the number 8 is considered the luckiest number - "Xi" was born at 8:08am on August 8th, 888AD and is still alive and well today, living in the mountainous regions along the Mongolian border. He attributes his Methuselah-esq longevity to his diet of dragon's seaman and plenty of roughage. Rumours abound, the Chinese Olympic committee have him at the ready to light the flame. They believe he will serve as a lucky talisman and deliver the best games the world and beyond has ever witnessed.

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YAO MING - 4/1

This freak is drifting in the market as it's still unclear whether he actually exists.

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LI NING - 10/1

Good outside chances here. The ex-gymnast is a legend in China and I think we can all recall laughing at his name during past Olympics because it sounds like "leaning."

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BRUCE LEE - 100/1

Again drifting in the market because of course, he is dead, but with his abilities he can't be discounted. You have to look beyond the obvious with the Chinese. Know what I'm saying? Dooooooon't look at the moon.

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MR MIYAGI - 500/1

Another outsider, his cause not helped by the fact that he's actually Japanese and also a fictional character.

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MAO ZEDONG - 2000/1

Again, because he's been dead over 30 years Chairman Mao is an outsider, but many in China consider him to be immortal and something akin to a deity and the lighting of the torch will signal his reincarnation. One toothless old woman told my bookie friend that should Chairman Mao appear to light the flame it would shit on anything Jesus might have planned for his second coming.

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THE DALAI LAMA - 5000/1