6/29/2009 12:55:00 pm / The truth was spoken by Rich /

Good afternoon, I apologise for my absence, but with all the new stuff I’ve been learning recently about Rubik’s cubes and fruit I just haven’t had the time to maintain the blog. So, a bit of a catch up before we discuss the issue that has preoccupied me this morning.

I’m loathe to add to the all the posthumous attention Michael Jackson is currently enjoying from his little cloud in heaven or hopefully from his burning pit of fire and brimstone in hell’s VIP lounge, but I would like to implore all TV news channels – including you Sky News – to just report the friggin’ fucking news and move on.

In Jacko’s case news people, your job is not to eulogise and offer up tributes, but to just inform us of his death and the circumstances surrounding it and move on. Let MTV send a reporter to LA to interview freaked out hysterical fans grieving under the weight of an absurdly deluded belief that they actually had a personal relationship with the man just because they have all his records and have followed him obsessively everywhere he’s ever been. Let MTV interview every celebrity that’s ever met the man, let MTV play all his hits on a 24 hour tape loop.

Why? WHY? I’ll tell you why; because aside from the fact that he was not worthy of such coverage as he hasn’t made a decent record since "Bad," which serves as the genesis of his transmogrification into a chink monk and aside from the fact that he almost certainly indulged in paedophilia on a regular basis – I’m sorry Jacko fans, but offering up the excuse that he hasn’t developed emotionally since he was 12 and therefore his sexual interference of pre-pubescent boys was just innocent curiosity and doesn’t count as the sexual abuse of children by a 50 year old man, will not wash – aside from aaaall that, blanket coverage of this nature allows our unscrupulous Government to bury damaging news beneath it which otherwise would have us gnashing our teeth and shaking our fists in anger in the direction of Westminster. So stop doing it OK?

Just in the last few days for example, Gordon Brown has admitted during a visit to the Govan Greengrocers Association that the United Kingdom is now a socialist mess and within five years will have no more relevance to the global community than the Pancake Islands in the Indian Ocean. Had the news channels actually focused on News we would have been privy to this visit and all had occasion to email in about it. See how irresponsible this obsession with celebrity is? Now don’t do it again.

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OK I’d like to spend some time in consumer corner now. Some very bizarre products have come to my attention recently and I’d like to share them with you. Three products in particular, two of which have surprised me as they fly in the face of the hysterically confining politically correct winds we’re constantly being buffeted by and a third product which is just kinda scary as it clearly illustrates how dumb and completely incapable most people are of independent thought.

Nigroids: As far as I can tell this is the most racially insulting product currently on sale in all high street pharmacies. I’m still astonished by its availability. For fuck’s sake, it’s a black liquorice lozenge and you’re meant to suck on it!!

Given the Urban Dictionary’s definition of “Nigroid” this must surely pose some intriguing and delicate problems for the company should they wish to advertise on the radio –Urban Dictionary: “nigroid”

A faggy black guy whose homosexuality is contagious like an irritating disease such as haemorrhoids.

I can hear it now; “To help sooth your throat suck on a Nigroid.”

Given that David Howard, an aide to the then black Mayor of Washington DC, had to resign in 1999 for referring to the Cities budget as “niggardly,” (which just means frugal or skinflinty if you will) as it sounded vaguely racist, I’m amazed no one is emailing in about this product. Perhaps if the advert had Barry White singing at the beginning and Michael Jackson at the end it might provoke some interest from the PC people and sort of anyone really?

The only other product I can find with even more racially bigoted connotations is this cereal – “Swastikas,” available in all German and Austrian supermarkets. Basically they’re Shreddies for Nazis and Mel Gibson. It’s a close run thing though and to be fair I still think “Nigroids” is worse as "Swastikas" were invented by me earlier and not really made by Nestle so don't email me Nestle people.

Swastikas might not exist but Shreddies “diamonds” do. Not racist, but equally as scary I think you’ll agree just on a different level because it's an example of the kind of manipulation of a population that brings people like Hitler to power.

To anyone with even a modicum of intelligence these are normal Shreddies turned 45 degrees. But no shit, these are actually available in Canada and did indeed boost sales of Shreddies which had been falling for a few years in succession.

I know Canadians sound stupid, but I always assumed they were more intelligent than Americans. Having seen these stats for the sales of Shreddies "Diamonds" I’m now having to re-evaluate.

This clearly shows how easily people can be influenced. Usually advertisers have to be quite clever, but this is taking the piss. The contempt the Shreddies people must have for Canadians to pull this stunt is incredible.

This is worse than a few years ago when an action figure was available in our toy shops for £5 that had no figure in it. It was just plastic packaging in the shape of a man. Invisible Jim they called it.

It's the sort of astonishing gullibility that will win David Cameron the keys to 10 Downing Street and keeps Emile Heskey in the England side. I lose sleep thinking about this. I wish I lived in a cave. How can people be so dumb? How how? Sigh!

Anyways, I better go, I need to buy some new razor blades as the blue strip on my one has turned white telling me it needs replacing.

Wait a minute....


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