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I can't watch the darts while Denis Ovens is on. His wig is tilting me. Why would you wear a wig if everyone knows it's a wig? If the syrup you're sporting is more ridiculous looking than just being bald surely that defeats the purpose? And being bald doesn't look bad anyway in fact.

And it must be a wig. Let's look at the evidence: It's always ALWAYS exactly the same length. You never see him with a really silly short haircut post-barbers, or with it looking in need of a cut.

He never ever ever touches it, clearly for fear of it slipping off. It gets very hot and sweaty on those TV stages and he's the only player that doesn't wipe his forehead with a towel for fear of dislodging his fake barnet.

Also, the parting - where the hair parts you cannot see any scalp. It's too thick, this is a clear sign of wiggage. Finally the colour, It's all the same colour. He's getting on a bit yet his hair shows no signs of greying and most people have lighter patches on their hair anyway through exposure to the sun no?

Denis, I know you read my blog. Get a grip. You look like a lego man.