7/09/2010 10:48:00 pm / The truth was spoken by Rich /

If you can keep your head when all about you are
losing theirs you must be a German goalkeeper

According to Paul the Octopus the worst World Cup in recent memory will be won by Spain on Sunday. I really would rather the Dutch won as I stand to win more, but in real terms I've found, just like the tournament in the USA in 1994 and the one hostaed by the aliens in 2002, I just want it to be over so we can all quickly forget it ever happened.

What will be the lasting memory of this World Cup? There hasn't been one and if the final is a typical one, there isn't going to be one. Just the irritating maddening resonance of those plastic trumpets. This is what happens when you stage the World Cup outside of Europe or South/Central America. Why don't they just always hold it in Mexico for crying out loud?

Everyone knows the World Cup should be held in unbearable temperatures and stamina sapping humidity so that at least one high profile player is caught on camera vomiting down his front. Heat causes poor judgment and mistakes and these all make for far better games.

World Cups are never about beautiful football, the best World Cups have been the ones with the most controversial incidents; Spain 1982 - Harold Schumacher almost taking Patrick Battiston head clean off his shoulders (above), Mexico 1986 - Diego Maradona cheating with every step he took, 1990 - Frank Rijkaard spitting deep into Rudi Völler's mullet (below), USA 1994 - er..Diana Ross missing a penalty? gay, France 1998 - David Beckham's petulance, 2002 South Korea/Japan - nothing, didn't happen and Germany 2006 - Zinedine Zidane's chestual headbutting of Marco Matorazzi.

This World Cup will be remembered for forgettable games and mind numbingly boringly punditry. If there had of been a stampede as I had predicted, it would have been caused by thousands of people desperately trying to flee from the stadiums before another freekick is ballooned into the Indian ocean from forty yards or another 1-0 game is played to a finish in freezing temperatures by players who so desperately want to be somewhere else.

In real terms I have to say I'd rather have spent the past few weeks in Rothbury.

Spitting image: Frank Rijkaard could have faced a lengthy time ban
had he not been gobbing at a German.

Breaking news: On a brighter note, I've just heard Michel Platini has collapsed while he was his tea and his now in hospital. Please let it be something painful so he shit himself while wearing light coloured pants.

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