Just been to the car wash again. This is costing me a fortune. I've only been back about twenty minutes, yet as we speak my car - not even dry yet - is being re-coated with Starling shit. Until I can manage to get up in time to visit some sort of car shop that sells disposable covers, this futile battle to preserve the paintwork of my car will continue.
Funny things I saw though while I was there. Funny peculiar. I had the displeasure of parking up next to a boy-racer chav geezer dude. Despite the cold, he was sat with his window open so we could all hear his thumping ethnic music. Not sure what sort of car it was, I think an old Escort XR3i, but where the badge is usually located I found only a sparkly sticker reading "POWER."
Quite an intimidating figure he cut sat there - shaved head, whispy moustache, dark eyes, black eyes, dolls eyes, bobbing his head to his music in his Ford Power. The image was compromised somewhat I have to say though by the bright pink baby-seat in the back. I had a mind to ask him where he bought it just so he'd be absolutely clear that we could all see it, but I let it lie. I had shit to clean.
They have one of those manual car wash things, where you have a high powered water sprayer thing and a brush from which a pink soap almost ejaculates from a hidden spout. I of course don't use this as it involves actually physically doing something.
A chap with a Range Rover had the thing occupied as I waited for the proper car wash and I watched him intently and curiously doing it all wrong. It's my understanding that you first hose your veeh-hick-ul down with the sprayer to remove excess dirt and shit. You then apply the soap with the brush and then rinse with the sprayer? Yes? No?
This fella had a different approach. He sprayed for ages, then shampooed, but then just drove off leaving the thick pink coating of shampoo all over everywhere! Crazy I thought and I believe another motorist felt the same as we shared confused frowns.
I think maybe he may have used up his allocation of water with the initial spraying stage. He even lifted the bonnet and sprayed the engine. It's high up too, so he had to mount the bumber and sort of climb in there. He was really getting in amongst the machinery like some men like to do. Essentially he was making love to his car, while his partner sat in the passenger seat with a forlorn countenance, expressing a longing to be interfered with so intensely.
She should be so lucky. Same time tomorrow? Ta-da.
**Just looked at my car. Absolutely fucking covered. Feel queasy now.
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2 comments:
Fascinating shampooing incident that, one of the most interesting I've read of recently. Have to quibble with your sign-off though. Surely ta-da is the phrase of choice when producing something in a surprising or emphatic manner - a rabbit literally or metaphorically from a hat. Whereas ta-ra or ta-ta are the ta-somethings of farewell. I don't know, just felt like a little pedantry, if I may be allowed without being added to a register, haha, boom boom, the world we live in eh. Actually just writing this for something to do and to let you know that at least one person you've probably never heard of reads your blog and finds it highly readable. Ta-ra.
Well quite, but I think ta-ra, ta-ta and ta-da are in common usage in various regions.
And thank you for reading my blog also.
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