How on Earth is it possible for such a volume of bird shit to fall on my car in one night? There's no trees nor noffin hanging over my car. How is this possible? There must have been miwyans of them. It took me fucking ages to get this cleaned off this afternoon. There were four other cars before me waiting to use the car wash.
I'm so angry at birds as I type this I can barely enjoy my Spicy Italian subway sammich. I might become a bird killing vigilante. Spend my nights in the shadows, waiting to pounce. Snapping the necks of unsuspecting birds as they prepare to drop their payloads on peoples vee-hick-uls.
I've got half a mind to climb a tree and leave a decent quantity of my own shit in one of their nests. See how they like it. Yes I think I'll do that tomorrow. By way of preparation I might eat some Oysters tonight and have a chicken vindaloo for breakfast.
Hitchcock's The Birds: Scary stuff, not a drop of poo on this car though
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