Voy Por Ustedes

We've known each for a long time now so I feel I can discuss a delicate issue with you, the long and short of it is ...I've got a penis injury of some kind. A painful painful injury. Just lately I've made noises like a dolphin giving birth whenever I've urinated.

I've always prided myself on having a high pain threshold, but this is beyond anything I've experienced before. What ever possessed the Lord our God and the father of the baby Jesus to invent pain of this degree?

Pissing razor blades is how I'd describe it. They say various STD's cause a similar sensation, but I've not had occasion recently to do the S part to receive the TD part.

Perhaps I should stop drinking my own piss? I heard that was good for you though? Whatever the cause, it is playing havoc with my sandwich life. I haven't been able to go to the sto' for a chicken tikka wrap since last week.

I won't lie to you, I'm hoping this clears up on its own. I don't want to have seek the advices of my GP - it's a delicate issue of course, but more than just the shame of it all, I'd like to avoid this just in case he's one of those dudes you read about in the specialist magazines who'll craftily attempt to wank me off in the name of medicine.


I will just drink normal water from now on and see what occurs. If it does clear up I'll more than likely give some thought to maybe whizzing up to the DTD's (what's the three letter thingys ending in TD at the mo?) for their £50, 10,000 chip thingy on Saturday.

That is of course if the weather can just naff off. I'm loathe to harp on about the temperatures, but it's currently 5°C colder outside than in my freezer. This is not necessary, big or clever. I'm saving money on electricity as my fish fingers and viennetta are outside, but this is besides the point.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all. I want my penis to give me pleasure when I massage it and I want my frozen goods to thaw when I take them out of my freezer. Is this too much to ask? Is it? Is it really? I'm not asking to win the lottery or to be able to fly or turn invisible or to help Gary Anderson hit a double. Just tolerable living conditions.