People are twats aren't they. I'm on my way out to the sto' this afternoon for a sammich and I find this note on my car:
For those of you who can't speak scum, it says "Do not park hear it is not ur space." Ignoring the appalling grammar and spelling and hand writing just for a moment, am I asking too much for them to have spoken to me personally, or at least been more polite in their note?
I'm parked in what I assumed was a spot not reserved for any particular property, and even if it was, it was closer to my place than either of the two properties from which the note scribbler must reside, so it should be allocated to moi.
So anyway, I take the note and approach the front door of suspect number one from the east. In my most polite yet sinister tone I ask if he's left this note on my car, but instead of just denying any knowledge of it, he actually reads it! I found this odd. You either left it or you didn't, why read it?
Unless he's in the habit of leaving notes on cars and was checking to see if it was one of his, I have good reason here to suspect he is the guilty party oui? He then said, "where was you parked, round there?" I say yes (as if you didn't know you smelly cunt) and only then does he deny ownership.
This confirms his guilt in my eyes. He knew where I was parked, his van was parked right next to mine and the neighbour - suspect 2 - was not home.
Cowardly of him to not own up, but I now of course can park there whenever I choose if it was him as he can no longer object. But this sort of behaviour annoys me. I find it weasely and petty. Where's the neighbourhood spirit? The sense of community?
It goes without saying of course I shall urinate on his van at the next available opportunity. If they won't join you beat them, that's what I always say.
I'm parked in what I assumed was a spot not reserved for any particular property, and even if it was, it was closer to my place than either of the two properties from which the note scribbler must reside, so it should be allocated to moi.
So anyway, I take the note and approach the front door of suspect number one from the east. In my most polite yet sinister tone I ask if he's left this note on my car, but instead of just denying any knowledge of it, he actually reads it! I found this odd. You either left it or you didn't, why read it?
Unless he's in the habit of leaving notes on cars and was checking to see if it was one of his, I have good reason here to suspect he is the guilty party oui? He then said, "where was you parked, round there?" I say yes (as if you didn't know you smelly cunt) and only then does he deny ownership.
This confirms his guilt in my eyes. He knew where I was parked, his van was parked right next to mine and the neighbour - suspect 2 - was not home.
Cowardly of him to not own up, but I now of course can park there whenever I choose if it was him as he can no longer object. But this sort of behaviour annoys me. I find it weasely and petty. Where's the neighbourhood spirit? The sense of community?
It goes without saying of course I shall urinate on his van at the next available opportunity. If they won't join you beat them, that's what I always say.
3 comments:
That sounds like a firm but fair punishment for the illiterate sod (found it amusing he was able to use an apostrophe in amongst all that mess)
It's not an apostrophe poppet, it's an "I."
"It is not your space."
He won't have been aware of complicated punctuation.
DAMMIT!
My ability to read almost as bad as his ability to write then....
Have you tried the rancid water trick for your throat yet? :P
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