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What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on your organ, just ask almost every bloke who ever met Diana Princess of Wales. Am I right am I right? High five!

(cough) so anyway, er...Crazy man Mohamed Al-Fayad has finally decided to give up on his ludicrous quest to have everyone but the Avon lady tried and convicted for the murder of his son and Princess Diana.

He's giving up for the sake of the Princes apparently. Ten years this inquest has been going on, so ten years and about £20m of the tax payers money later and now he's finally given up..for the Princes. Not because it was a yard full of horse hockey in the first place. Man I'd be pissed off if I was a tax payer. What a waste of money.

It's been clear to me since the beginning how she died. They were all drunk weren't they? Three sheets to the wind; Dodi, Diana and the driver. Pissed up in Paris, they're in a dark tunnel,..if she wasn't sucking that drivers cock when they ploughed into that barrier I'll give up detective work.

I know paparazzi are tenacious, but Diana pictures were a dime a dozen, why would they all risk their own lives just to capture one random picture of her in a car? They wouldn't, unless of course that picture was something spectacular...like for example Diana photographed with her head between the hairy thighs of the chauffeur licking a bollock.

I've said all this before, but people don't want to accept the truth because she's the nations treasure, but during her peak she was second only to Ulrika Johnson as Britain's busiest whore. Even I fucked her once.

Let's see, Will Carling, James "I'm not Harry's father even though he's the spitting fucking image of me" Hewitt, Paul Burell, me, James Gilbey, Philip Dunne, Stephen Twigg, Ted Forstman, David Tang, Hasnat Khan, Dodi Fayad and various other miscellanious shags all too often forgotten after a night on the alco-pops. The only guy who wasn't getting any at the time was Prince Charles. That's why he ended up hunting down that Camilla beast. Kinda feel sorry for him really.

Anyway, I digress..so finally Fayad has given up, he would have been better served pumping the money he must have wasted on legal counsel, into the transfer market to boost Fulham's first team.

If Fulham get relegated because he's spent so much money trying to convince the world his son wasn't effectively cuckolded by England's rose it'll be a double whammy for the fella, ironically Diana's favourite sexual position. It's funny how things work out isn't it?