I’m hearing now that the Americans have stopped using the term “special relationship” when referring to the diplomatic status between our great nation and theirs. We too seem to have dropped the term, possibly because it’s now too closely associated with the Iraq invasion and Bush and Blair and so on. I find this disappointing.I certainly do not approve if this term being dropped is a precursor to a replacement along the lines of “rapport spécial.” Gordon Brown’s obsession with Europe and his insistence that we be at the heart of a European Union is a concern.
Sarkozy is an intelligent version of George W. Bush, which makes for an incredibly dangerous individual and the idea of nurturing a special relationship with his Government and France is enough to bring out my hives. Dear lord we have been at war with France on and off forever and ever.
America on the other hand we have always fought with. I say fought with, this is rather flattering to our militarily inept progeny. The reality is we’ve bailed them out of trouble on a 
number of occasions as they seem incapable of winning a war on their own bless them, but they are historically our allies, where as France are and will forever be our garlic smelling enemy, without honour and without personal hygiene.Incidentally, I’m not counting the War of Independence as a conflict between our good selves and America and it doesn’t really count as a victory for the US of A. Not by my rules as our real army was in India at the time protecting the jewel of the British Empire.
The Army they sent over to America was a bunch of hired continental freelance douchebags who decided that American was actually a nicer place to live than the flee pits they came from so they turned their coats and fought with the American army instead or just plain ran off in a typical Franco-Continental cowardly manoeuvre.
People think I don’t like America as I’ve been so critical of them in the past. No no no. My criticisms are akin to parental frustrations rather than confrontational malice, France on the other hand; pure hatred.
I accept that Americans are a little ignorant, a wee bit brash, a little loud and slightly lacking in social skills, but a relationship with America is a lot like working in a crèche.While it can be taxing at times trying to guide and educate the simple and academically underdeveloped, ultimately it’s very rewarding as they eventually advance and mature.
There’s a simple innocence about the Americans, just as with little kiddies. They make mistakes, they lack respect, when they talk they rarely have anything to say and they say it far too loudly, but they speak their mind, even when there’s nothing in there they’ll have their say and I think that’s a good thing as the world needs dreamers and when eventually it is channeled in the right direction it can only be a good thing for ourselves and the wider world.
Who cares how fat they are, who cares about their delusions of grandeur...super-powering is a phase all countries go through, like puberty. They’ll get over it, we’re hardly in a position to judge them on the Imperialist front anyway, France even less so.
America means well. It really does. It’s just being lead temporarily by a moron. This will change very soon. It’s just struggling with the conflicting issues that affect any rebellious adolescent.
France on the other hand should know better. France is an old incontinent duffer by contrast. A relationship with the French has equivalence to working in an old people’s home; miserable antagonistic bastards, stuck in their ways and smelling of sick and shit.
A concordant relationship with France is not possible. History has proven this time and time again. Try and get two bickering pensioners to agree on something and compromise and you just end up with a tennis match of wheezy verbal abuse.
I would much rather England become America’s 51st state than be part of a United States of Europe, in other words, you know what I’m saying, I’d much rather work in a crèche than a retirement home.Come on now people; let us rebuild our special relationship. We have the technology. One or two things need to happen first of course, starting with a massive heart attack for Gordon Brown, the deportation of that slimy fuck Sarkozy and his wretched whore of a wife and an election victory for Barrack Obama, but the special relationship can be retained, it can be great again. Like Jason Donovan and Kylie Minogue who I think we've all secretly hoped would get back together, they were a lovely couple.
If dreams were wings, you know I would have flown to you America, to be where you are, no matter how far, and now that I'm next to you. Woooo.
1 comments:
"Special Relationship" always seemed a bit perverse to me anyway! And much as I hate to admit it, where would we be without our Yank cousins military might?...Munchin sausage most likely and goose-stepping up and down Whitehall!
As was recently said in the debate about the NUT trying to put a stop to the forces going into schools and recruiting, "If you can read this thank a teacher. If you can read this in English thank a soldier"
With their might and our brains I see world domination just around the corner ;)
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