Voy Por Ustedes

So there's a couple of issues we need to discuss. First off this plane that crashed last week; a Boeing 777 piloted by a dude called Coward. No one died and the consensus view was that the passengers had all been very lucky. NO! They may not have died, but it was still a fucking plane crash. If it's lucky to be in a plane crash let me always be unlucky. They were not lucky, media people. What are the odds, really, of being involved in a plane crash? It's thousands to one. This was not luck. It's just degrees of bad luck.

Another thing that disappointed me about this whole episode was the sorry headlines the tabloids came up with the day after the crash. You've got a plane called 777, lucky or unlucky passengers depending on your point of view, returning from China and a hero co-pilot called Coward and all they came up with was: "Coward is a Hero" and " Coward becomes a Hero" and variations there of. What a load of shit. My headline would have been ....."Nonce prevents voyeuristic death fest for the rest of us"

Speaking of China, what's Gordon Brown playing at visiting them? Since when was nurturing inter-species relations a priority? I didn't see that in the Labour Party manifesto. As far as I'm concerned I wouldn't want the British Government having anything to do with that lot until they start making safer toys. I think the sooner Gordon Brown is involved in a hideous fire ball of a plane crash the better we'll all be; humans and aliens.

If I have to hear one more fucking time how our we're all basking in an economic Shangri-La I'll swallow my own tongue and end my time on this Earth while the humans are still in charge. I'm no economist, I did study it at College, but I spent most of my time playing battle ships with my mate Dave...but anyway I do know that an economy built on credit will collapse around us eventually and we'll all cry and end up eating Gruel like Oliver Twist.

If the economy is built on a foundation of public spending, but the money comes from Credit Cards and loans, we do not people, I repeat, we do not, have a healthy economy. It's a lie...A LIE!!! It's like saying you have an incredible sex life just cause you've had sex three times a week with beautiful women for the past two years, but those beautiful women were hookers and you paid top dollar for it. It's built on a false premise and it's hardly healthy is it? IS IT? It's healthier just to shag twice a month and it be with someone you haven't had to pay and who you share ice cream with and whisper sweet nothings to, I think you know what I'm trying to say. Thumbs down from me Mr Brown, that's what I always say.


You may have heard that I won the Pigeons game tonight. Oh yes. Second time running if you please. It all appeared to be almost a normal game comparatively speaking though. It was kind of eerie really. There was, you know, just sort of normal play really. I ...er..well I won anyway so that's all I've got to say really. I know, I'm scared too. It's like how it goes all calm before a category 5 storm destroys a city. I'm scared of turning up for the next one.


Speaking of extreme weather, this is just bullshit. The NFC Conference game is on at the moment. Green Bay would appear to be the coldest place on the planet at the moment and that includes the bottom of the tub of my ice cream that's in my freezer. It's -2 Fahrenheit. FUCKING FAHRENHEIT!! That's -20 or something in real temperatures (Celsius). What the fuck were they thinking building a city in a place that gets that cold? Humans can't thrive in those conditions. This may explain why all the really evil serial killers - the kind of dudes who keep kids and hookers in dungeons - are all from Wisconsin. This kind of weather must drive you crazy. People out in the sticks must get cut off from civilisation for months.

No wonder no New York fans have turned up. You'd cheer a touchdown and instead of getting your arse kicked like in any other stadium they'd shove you in the back of a pick-up truck, take you to their home dungeon and tie you to a metal bed with your own tendons for a year and cut your knob off and starve you and stuff and only Anthony Hopkins would know who the kidnapper was or something.

It'd be like Seven and Silence of the Lambs in one. What is it about Americans and building cities in unsuitable areas? There's a couple of rules of thumb for building a city you silly silly people. First off, avoid areas where the cockroaches are the only species that can tolerate the climate. Second; do not build a thriving metropolis on a land mass that may at any moment crack open and swallow the entire city in a matter of minutes. Thirdly and finally, avoid areas that get blown away or flooded in fierce 200mph hurricanes every single year. It's not complicated, it's common sense for the most part. Ah, I've answered my own question. If you'd have stayed with Mother England you wouldn't have these problems.

It's quite late now but I'm having coffee if you please. I've come to using organic milk and it makes swirly patterns in the coffee. I've been using it to aid my soothsaying. This morning my latte told me I was due to have a boob job, but then I added sugar and I read that I was being lied to.

The End.