Voy Por Ustedes

See what that is people? That's a Google search of my name that is and this is my book all those Random House subscribers have been signing up to be made aware of.

It's a poker novel. It follows a dude's progress through a poker tournament and makes all sorts of profound observations about life using poker as a metaphor, it's also so funny you'll shit yourself laughing so I recommend you read it on the toilet.

Actually it's not really. I'm using a cunning Jedi mind trick on myself. It will be though...oooh yes, it will be (say in convincing Yoda voice). An element of the law of attraction - which is obviously a legitimate scientific principle - suggests that the easiest way to acquire something is to behave as if it's already in your possession. I've been meaning to write this book for sometime now, but one of the reasons why I have procrastinated so much with it has been an inability to imagine it ever coming to fruition.

Wondering into Borders or Ottakars and seeing a novel written by me on the shelves appeared to me to be an ambition I was unlikely to realise. So I'm using these unquestionably legitimate processes to give my self belief a boost. OK it's bullshit really, but when I made this cover and wrapped it around a book it all suddenly seemed more believable.

I reckoned if I had something tangible to hold in my hand it would help my tiny mind accept the idea that it's not a pipe dream and that in actual fact, I am awesome at this writing lark and if J. f*cking K. Rowling can become a cazillionaire writing clichéd nonsense about a bastard wizard, then I can write an original poker story intriguing enough to sneak into a High Street book shop.

If it works and I eventually get this thing published, I'm gonna buy one of those inflatable women and dress it up like Felicity Kendall and she should then arrive on my doorstep naked except for some muddy wellies and couple of sticks of spicy pepperami hidden about her person.
If it doesn't work, then I am down to the felt, out of ideas, buggered and I shall spend my days in a dark room rocking back and forth forever more just like Arthur Fowler. The steaks have never been higher.