The Trials

6/12/2008 04:02:00 pm / The truth was spoken by Rich /

If there's a heaven and George Orwell and Franz Kafka are up there somewhere looking down on us, they're both probably high-fiving each other and congratulating each other on being so fucking prophetic. They'd then take a moment, kick the dirt a bit, let out a sigh and admit they'd rather have been proved wrong then go off to get pissed and beat Enid Blyton up for being racist.

Just when you thought the tedium of British politics was guaranteed for the foreseeable future something mildly amusing happens. David Davis is someone I've never trusted. There's something slightly sleazy about the man. He's made the mistake a few politicians have made in the past of thinking he's got a sense of humour. He hasn't. He has no charisma and indeed a mouth that looks like it's sucked a few cocks in it's time.

Thumb sucker Davis yesterday

His decision to resign today though so he can force a by-election on the principle that this 42 day bollocks is indeed bollocks, is quite a clever manoeuver though I think. Nothing that happens in Westminster has anything to do with the issues anymore. It's all about making the other guy look like a twat. And I think on this occasion, David Davis has out twatted Gordon Brown, the biggest twat of them all. Our two main parties are like divorced parents promising their child presents and goodies and whatever it wants to make it happy. Only it's not really the child's happiness they're concerned about, it's just about making the other parent look shit, points scoring and so on.

There is of course no evidence anywhere from anyone in any position of authority on national security that random Asians need to be detained for almost 6 weeks before being charged. This whole tedious episode was about Gordon Brown trying to win something and grab a few headlines and restore his eroding reputation. He may have won the vote, but he will not now grab the headlines.

An Asian man yesterday

As an added bonus it might make David Cameron look a bit weasly too, which he is. Recently I've noticed I get very itchy when David Cameron is on TV. Possibly I'm allergic to him. He is the worst kind of political whore. His party opposes 42 day detention, yet at the same time he refuses to commit to repealing this law should the Tories win the next election. He won't commit to this because some random polls have shown that the population on the whole is quite happy to see this law passed.

David Cameron is fully aware of course that the general public haven't got a fucking clue what's actually involved in investigating terrorism, or how long it takes and consequently, their opinion on the matter is totally fucking irrelevant. MI5 and the Metropolitan police on the other hand have said many times it's completely unnecessary and never has there been a case yet where this length of time was needed. Votes however have determined David Cameron's policy. On matter of principle then, if not his over-bite, David Davis ought to be commended.

Of course it may be political suicide for Mr Davis. David Davis is in danger of becoming Mr Blobby to David Cameron's Noel Edmonds. Noel Edmonds if you recall, introduced Mr Blobby to the House Party audience because of flagging ratings. A sort of adaptation of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, just a bit scarier. The Mr Blobby stunt became so successful however, that Noel Edmonds began playing second fiddle to his pink monster and wasn't having that, so ended up killing poor Mr Blobby off. I'm laughing as I type this as this did actually happen. Poor Noel and his hyper-inflated ego.

As for the wider issue, it's really about time someone in the House of Commons stood up and admitted that enough is enough and that this whole terrorism bollocks needs to end. Using terrorism to scare people out of their civil liberties is about as criminal as political manoeuvering can get. It's on a par with Tony Blair manufacturing a reason to go to war.

Statistically, I have as much chance of getting blown to bits in a terrorist attack as being hit by lighting on my way to cashing in my jackpot winning lottery ticket. I live next to the biggest RAF base in the country, even at the height of the IRA's bombing campaigns in the 1970's and 80's, my chances of being caught up in one of these attacks were slightly less than my shitting a diamond.

I accept that we will probably be subject to another attack someday, but bollocks to it. I'll accept the risk of these attacks and being caught up in them, if it means I can have my civil liberties returned to me. Our political process is now stuck in a narrative manufactured by Tony Blair and Alistair Campbell and continued by Gordon Brown. That narrative is that there no worse fate that can be bestowed upon us than another 9/11 attack or another mini July thing that happened on some buses in London and that everything should be done to prevent further attacks and that no piece of legislation can be so invasive as to not justify it's imposition on us.

This is of course, horse shit. Even if it were possible to guarantee our safety, which it isn't...I'd rather not be safe if it means a CCTV camera on every street and compulsory ID cards and DNA databases and detention without charge for however long the security dudes feel is needed. I'd rather be left alone to take my own precautions than live in a George Orwell or Franz Kafka novel. We're trying to prevent terrorism because it denies us our right to live free in safety, but the means at which this prevention is secured denies us the rights it seeks to protect.

I'd like to see one MP just stand up say that. Admit they've had a jolly good time of it, nosing into our personal affairs and laughing at which porn sites we all look at on a morning, but concede that they can longer justify it and put it all to bed. Bring the Army dudes back from Iraq and Afghanistan, knock down all the CCTV camera's, burn all the disks and delete all the databases, send us all about £15,000 for our troubles and start again next Monday.

That's what I always say.


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