Voy Por Ustedes

It's Tuesday now right? Monday seems to have passed in a painful delirious haze. I had three glasses of South African wine on Sunday night and it fucked me. What do they put in that stuff? Jesus! It's no wonder South Africa is so violent if they all drink this stuff. If it wasn't the wine then an invisible man was following me around all day yesterday repeatedly cracking me on the forehead with the back of a spoon and force feeding me gravel. Eeesh.

Someone has stolen my rear windscreen wiper. Bastard! It hasn't been ripped off either, that thing is hard to remove. It would have required tools. My car is parked in front of my house on a busy street and someone has stood there for a few minutes with a screw driver and had the thing away. Who does this? This can't have been vandalism. No one unscrews a rear wiper for the hell of it. Someone with the same model car as me as decided £20 is too much to pay for a replacement for their own missing wiper and decided to get up at 3am when no one is around and have mine instead. Bastard!

On a brighter note, the postman woke me up today delivering a nice parcel. If there's been a time in my life when I've felt move alive than when I'm receiving parcels, I can't remember it. I'm with Julie Andrews on the receipt of a brown paper package tied up with string. It's definitely one of my favourite things. It was a jumper. A Columbia University jumper if you really must know. I used to work for a Neurologist at Columbia University during my clever days. I know, how cool am I? I bought it so Americans I meet in the Co-op wouldn't abuse me.

I completed my research on TV weather girls this morning and have concluded that Sky TV's are 20% muckier. ITV's Becky Mantin was seen to be capable of a fair degree of kinky indecency under the influence of Bacardi Breezers, but generally the Sky TV girls needed no Dutch courage before engaging in the levels of depravity usually associated with the Dutch.