I have been meaning to get one or two things off my chest regarding the Argentinians, but that will have to wait as I've just been watching Sky Sports and I'm afraid there's a very real possibility that young Georgie Thompson may very well be up the duff.
That little fucker, Ant or Dec, which ever one it is she's inexplicably given permission to interfere with her sexually, has gone and ruined her for all men.
Sadly she appears to be one of those women that get very fat when they're in the club. Whether it be her metabolism, perhaps she has Greek ancestry, or perhaps she's always wanted to let her self go and now has an excuse, but either way I'm afraid to say in six or seven months she will have become an unrecognisable and bloater.
It's such a shame when this happens to beautiful women. But the Gods and Goddesses can be jealous and cruel judges. Let us now observe a moments silence to mourn the passing of a once delicious creature sadly now inedible.
Amen.
Ciña ¡oh Patria! tus sienes de oliva, de la paz el arcángel divino,que en el cielo tu eterno destino, por el dedo de Dios se escribió.
El Tri tonight have avenged history. Argentina have been broken. Mexico has a new dawn and will enjoy a brighter future. The nemesis of the Albiceleste has been put to the sword. The score of the game of course is not important. But let the past be forgotten and posterity rejoice in this victory.
There is no need to search for a recount of the game, you only need to trust in me as a witness to the slaughter. There has been such a defeat of Argentina in fact, that there is no need for my loyal readers even to watch anymore of the tournament.
I say to everyone, switch off your televisions until sort of Mid-July. The conclusion to the tournament is decided. Mexico is the World Champions. The whole world is genuflecting to the power and the glory of El Tri as we speak.
The sun has arrived in recognition of the power of Mexico. It is a message from God. Go out of your homes...turn off your televisions and radios and do not buy newspapers or any other form of sports news media. Trust only in God.
Viva Mexico! Campeones del Mundo! Via Con Dios mi amigos y guerreros. Beunos Noches.
Labels: Awesome, Football, Mexico
Even among the apostles there was a Judas
So I abandon England for reasons stated elsewhere and I decide to adopt a new team five years ago just to give me a casual interest in the World Cups when they come around and now I find myself for all intents and purposes a naturalised Mexican as nervous about meeting Argentina tomorrow as I ever have been when England have played them in previous tournaments. Bugger!
Speaking of naturalised Mexicans, the biggest Argentinian threat to Mexico tomorrow is not in my opinion Lionel Messi, it's Guillermo Franco - Mexico's first choice striker born in Argentina but now a Mexican.
Every fan of El Tri is scratching their heads wondering my this man continues to demand a place in the starting line-up. El Vasco's tactics and team selections are as baffling as Rafael Benetiz's or Sven Goran Erikssons.
He plays Temo Blanco from the start against Uruguay for example. A Mexican footballing legend yes, and still a clever player, but he's 37 and weighs the same as a small pony. Conejo Perez in goal! Poor Oscar would be a great keeper if he weren't 5ft 6. Why does Memo Ochoa not play in goal why why?
Baffling stuff, but no more baffling than putting a striker up front who just can't score. Not as bad as Heskey, but bad enough. Goals are a rare commodity in the World Cup and it beggars belief you would voluntarily handicap yourself in this department.
For all their great team spirit and optimism I fear that Franco has plans to bring the team down from within. The Argentinians are a sly beast with no honour and I would not put anything past them. Why must it always be Germany or Argentina who crush my World Cup dreams? Why God, why?
: Labels: Football, Mexico
I tell you what, I'm just watch now watching Brazil v Portugal and it has to be said that Ronaldo is an incredibly ugly footballer. I'm not talking about his facial features, although to me he looks he looks like a shemale, I mean the way he plays the game.
His tricks and step-overs and silly back heels are effective, but it's incredibly ugly to watch and mostly unnecessary. He's all knees and elbows and splashes of hair gel. It's some sort of football Riverdance bullshit. A show pony with silly oiled nipples and a lemon scented penis I should think.
Lionel Messi on the other hand may play for one of the most evil and cowardly nations on the planet, but he knows how to play the beautiful game. He IS the beautiful game people. He's everything Ronaldo isn't. He's humble, quiet and has a face like a slapped arse, but he floats about the pitch like some sort of specter. Ghosting past people with subtle body movements and speed that belies his little squat body. No need for thirty step overs, just a slight dropping of the shoulder and he's away.
Lionel Messi is a genius. Where as Ronaldo's tricks are an end in themselves rather than a means to end, Messi uses a master plan to make his way through an entire defense. It's all calculated in a split second and then executed even faster and six or seven defenders are left with nothing but a distinct whiff of Old Spice in the air and sense they've just been made to look very silly.
It's a shame really that Messi's team will be run through with Mexican steel on Sunday as I'd love to see more of him, but there's no room for sentiment here people - he must be slughtered. Ronaldo on the other hand I could do with seeing much less of.
After the slaughter of Uruguay it is somewhat unjust that Mexico now will have to play Argentina having finished second in the group simply because of a technicality. Yes in terms of actual goals scored Uruguay came out on top, but the game was a massacre.
Mexico raped the very soul of Uruguay. The children of Uruguay were drowning in the tears of the motherland yet because of actual goals scored they were foolishly declared the winners by FIFA. This is a treasonous effort by the villains at FIFA to deny Mexico her destiny, but she will not be denied.
The blessing in disguise here is that los guerreros will now be given the opportunity to avenge the conspiracy of the 2006 World Cup that contrived to see Mexico lose in the round of 16 to Argentina.We will reduce Maradona to tears and the world will see him destroyed and his team of bandits and cowardly parvenus sent home in disgrace.
Viva Mexico!! Labels: Football, Mexico
So now that the elation from serving up such a catastrophic thrashing to France has subsided, it's back to business tomorrow. Ordinarily this game would be a formality as both teams will qualify if the match is drawn. I'm not so shooowa this is how events will transpire however.
First of all, my Mexican brothers are of course warriors. It is not in their DNA to settle for a stalemate. This is a war and the Uruguayans are the enemy and all must be slaughtered one by one until their blood runs like a river through the muddy and broken streets of Rustenburg.
Secondly, even if El Tri were as yella as France or as weak hearted as the Italians it would still serve no purpose not to fight for the victory no? If Mexico finish second in the group - which they would if the game is drawn - they will almost certainly have to play Argentina in the round of 16.
This of course is not a game El Tri can't win (they were cheated out of a victory of Argentina in the same round last world cup) as Diego Maradona is clearly a crazy man and is just as likely to play one of his cousins in a central striking role as Lionel Messi. However, it's not ideal. The knock-out stages of the World Cup are very much like making love to a beautiful woman who has been unknown to man - one has to ease into her gently before pounding away to a glorious climax.
Maradona praying not have to meet Mexico in the round of 16 yesterday.Finally, it may have been three years ago, but surely the Uruguayans have not yet fully recovered from the massacre of Venezuela where El Tri defeated them 3-1 to take third place in the Copa America with blistering goals from Omar Bravo and Andres Guardado and a penalty from Temo Blanco with the customary twenty yards run up.
I have the utmost sympathy this evening for the Brazilian team after such a farcical sending off of Kaka who is the son of God. I mean really, it's like sacrilege to cheat the legendary Brazilian team in this way. They are the custodians of fair play and the embodiment of the World Cup spirit. Where on Earth did that cheating Ivorian get that idea from?
Just why have England been so shit over 
Tee hee, Jerry have just been beaten by a Serbian team aided and abetted by a Spanish referee clearly sponsored by the company who manufacture the yellow and red cards. I do so love abysmal referees in these tournaments. I find them to be one of the World Cup's most endearing eccentricities - especially as Mexico enjoy the advantage of having one less shit ref that can take control of their games as the Mexican referee is amongst the very worst of them.
I had concerns early doors that the Saudi referee in charge of Mexico's slaughtering of the French yesterday would destroy the game as a contest after giving Guillermo Franco a yellow card early doors for frowning with intent to snarl and ordering Ricardo Osorio to roll his shirt sleeves down! but in fact he turned out to be OK.
Up until this afternoon it has to be said the worst referee so far in this tournament was Mexican referee Marco Rodriguez who cannot wait to get up in the morning to send someone off. It's usually the latin refs who are the worst as they're all so theatrical and love the attention. Also the refs from small football nations tend to get a little over zealous in order to compensate for their countries diminutive footballing stature.
As a rule of thumb, if the referee has latin blood thrashing through his veins or from a country that has no professional football league I will always bet on there being a sending off. And why not, if it means Germany lose and I make monies, then I'm all for it.
Like the aging French team keeping warm with blankets and Bovril,I think it's time for me to take it easy (easier) and possibly get myself a budgie
Now then people, I've managed to tunnel out of hospital and made it home - many thanks to the courageous work of the resistance without whom I'd still be strapped to a hospital bed - I thought I'd just knock out a quick update on what's been occurring before my Horlicks grows tepid.
So obviously I managed to get myself into a bit of a sorry condition over these past few weeks culminating in what I can only describe as a hazy half-conscious presence last Thursday at my father's funeral where, like my Dad, I was present physically but in all other respects I was elsewhere.
In real terms I feel I had less oxygen in my lungs that day than you'd find in the lower atmosphere of Beijing at rush hour and I do apologise to anyone who may have spoken to me that day and offered me their condolences only to be met with a blank stare from my milky blood shot eyes. You may have assumed I was just upset, the reality I'm afraid was I was just unable to pay attention to anything anyone was saying.
Over the next week or so now that I am at least 80-85% human again I will set about contacting everyone who has been so supportive these past few weeks. I may not have been verbally able to convey my thanks last week, but it has been very much appreciated. I may also set about making some sense of these past few weeks' occurrences.
Elsewhere in my little world despite being home now, this little episode will probably require one or two lifestyle changes and vast quantities of coup and casserole. I will almost certainly have to ban walking. I'll leave that sort of thing to Ian Botham. I may have to abandon any further drinking sessions that cause three day hang-overs and the loss of one's eye-sight. I may even have to consider eating more vegetables.
Essentially I will take on the life of Granddad Boswell from the old Carla Lane sitcom 'Bread,' with or without the budgie. I have been reminded in no uncertain terms that I'm not as young as I used to be and of course when one becomes too old to hunt for buffalo, it's time to stay back with the women folk and make necklaces and I'm OK with this. It sounds fun.
On a brighter note Mexico have just given France and absolute slaughtering. I hear there are thousands of French onion breathed infrequent bathers slashing their wrists in disgust on the Champs Elysees as we speak. More on the World Cup later. In the meantime, some Horlicks. Thanks you all again, I'll bid you good evening.
Couple of things struck me funny when I saw this photograph this afternoon. First of all David Beckham is in it. Why is he there? Does he get to go to all World Cups from now on even though he's effectively finished as a player? If so, why does he?
Beckham has managed to weave himself somehow into the very fabric of English football. English football and Beckham are now coupled together in some sort of symbiosis that surely can only end in tragedy. For like conjoined twins, for one to live, the other must die. I therefore hope Beckham lives forever.
The second thing I found intriguing here is that Jack Bauer is in the front passenger seat. I know safari's are dangerous and of course the England team need protection, but Jack Bauer? How much have they coughed out for the 24 hours he was put in charge of security? I bet it was millions. I thought there was a recession on. Bloody footballers. Different planet the lot of them.
Finally, look how utterly miserable they all look, with the exception of Frank Lampard who'd clearly been taking crafty swigs from a bottle of codeine cough syrup as the day progressed. This for me is one of the fundamental reasons why England have no chance of success at this World Cup, they simply don't seem like they really enjoy each others company.
They're at the World Cup surrounded by some of the most incredible landscapes on the planet if you just ignore the townships - yet they look like a bunch of teenagers on a day out in Margate with their parents who have been arguing all day. Do cheer up fellas..jpg)
Now that my bollocks have recovered from being well and truly done at this years General Election, it's time now I feel to re-do them with some World Cup wagering and why not?
With just three days to go, I have invested in the following:
Outright win; Mexico (150.0), Netherlands (13.0), Brazil (6.2)
Group wagering - straight forecasts; Group B - Argies/S. Korea (5.9), Group C - US of States/England (8.4), Group D - Germany/Ghana (5.2), Group E - Netherlands/Japan (8.4), Group G - Brazil/Ivory Coast (3.3).
Miscellaneous crap; US of States to beat England Saturday June 12th (7.6), Lay - Ronaldo to score 1+ goal (1.49).
Mexico utterly slaughtered the current World Champions today. In terms of actual goals scored it would appear to have been a close game, but of course as the most recent games against England and the Netherlands clearly illustrated, goals are a poor means of measuring the disparity of awesomeness and power between the combatants.
In actual fact only an act of rare pity from the Gods saved Italy from a savage loss of goals which would have handed them a humiliation lasting all of eternity. Posterity will show only a loss by one goal and the details lost to history. The reality was a bloody running through of the Azzurri by the warriors of El Tri.
I am receiving hourly reports of several players of the Italian team being disowned by their families for the dishonour of being so thoroughly vanquished. Silvio Berlusconi himself will address the nation later this evening just as soon as he has finished dictating some crucial correspondence to his seven secretaries.
It remains to be seen whether Italy will now even travel to South Africa to defend their crown which has been so undermined by this bloody and craven disgrace.
Is it me or the world currently an even more shitter place than usual? Personal losses aside, in this country we've got slayings in sleeping seaside towns and another string of prostitute murders.
Over in the middle east, Israel have shot a bunch of Turks delivering medical aid and box sets of CSI: Miami DVD's to the Palestinians. In Merca an oil slick is threatening to absolutely decimate the 2010 swamp snorkling championships in Louisiana.
In Central America torrential rains have opened up the Earth to the extent that the people of Guatemala can actually see hell and in Mexico Nestor De La Torre has dropped Jonathon Dos Santos from the World Cup squad leaving his brother Gio, who is part of the squad, in tears.
What the hell is going on? I don't think it stops here. There's a latent contagion with these things. I fancy it's got something to do with the laws of attraction. What we think about the most happens. So if the whole planet is thinking gloomy thoughts then the place goes to hell in a hand basket.
The World Cup is coming up. I confidently predict an horrendous tragedy here I'm afraid. Some sort of stampede or crush that seems to happen a lot in Africa. Maybe if South Africa score a goal or something. Let's hope it's against France.
I fear to look, yet I cannot turn away.
Regardless of the legitimacy of Israel's raison d'état over their Palestinian issues, one has to conclude that this most recent attack on the flotilla carrying aid to Gaza along with several boxes of M&M's and heavy machine gun ammunition was a total balls up. I'd expect this level of incompetence from the Americans but not Israel.
America for example continues to send Marines (water soldiers) to fight in the desert. We of course have logically chosen to use the Desert Rats in the past, particularly in Iraq. We expect America to find a way to lose wars. I'm fairly sure they only succeeded in defeating us in the War of Independence because we were using free lance soldiers from the continent instead of proper soldiers who were being used to safeguard our interests in India. Once this collection of foreign layabouts landed on US soil they found they quite liked it and decided to fight against their employers instead.
The theme here is a complete lack of forethought. Israel has imposed this blockade on the Gaza Strip since 2007 but astonishingly does seem to have had in place a contingency plan for when their Commando's boarding these ships inevitably come under attack - whether it be with guns or office chairs and cups of hot Turkish coffee.
Everyone knows you don't fast rope down onto a tanker if there's a braying mob of angry Muslims waiting for you on the deck. It's basic special forces 101. You don't have to have read Bravo Two Zero to understand this.
Where were the stun grenades? Where were the tear gas canisters. They were to be greeted by Muslims, why not dump a load of pigs on them to disperse the crowd? It's embarrassing. We may be doomed as a nation, we may have generations of adults now without the ability to read or write and our Government might be a collection of nudist, tree bark essence drinking sexual revolutionists, but I pray at least the SAS could still raid a P&O ferry without being slaughtered by thirty or forty school children on a trip to Calais.