Voy Por Ustedes

Why is it whenever there's a theft of this nature that the only security measures in place in these galleries appear to be an old dude called Jasper and some velvet rope? If I'm understanding the situation correctly the chaps that have had these paintings away in Zurich simply pulled into the car park in their Volvo, strolled into the place, took the nearest paintings off the wall and ran out, cackling away to themselves while poor Jasper hobbled after them shouting halt Schweine!

There's an easy way to sort this one out - £90m of masterpieces they're saying have been stolen? Well, all the art world has to do is take it's collective head out of it's arse and admit that these paintings are crap. Over night they go from a valuation of £90m, to nothing. Simple. I mean really, people, look at this:

This is was one of the stolen paintings: "Boy in a red vest" by Paul Cézanne. It's rubbish isn't it? Look at the length of the boy's arm for fuck's sake! Unless the kid who posed for this piece was born of ape parents you've got to concede that it's crap.

If your seven year old brought this home from school one day you'd say well done, that's fantastic. You wouldn't mean it though and as soon as his back was turned you'd have a good old laugh at his expense. Impressionism, bollocks more like. I fucking hate Paris.