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What Christian fruitcakes and Theologians refuse to accept of course, is that the Gospels were written approximately 120 years after the fact. In reality Lazarus probably just had a cold and felt much better four days later.

Similarly, Peter, who apparently denied Jesus three times and was martyred - crucified upside down by Nero – probably never even knew Jesus and just happened to be on the piss in Rome and got himself arrested and nailed up for singing Jesus songs. We've all seen how Man United fans are treated in Rome.

The accumulative effect however, of what were essentially over a century of Chinese Whispers, morphed these completely incidental events into miracles and parables of the life of the Son of God! What I’m about to recount here though, are no Chinese Whispers my friends. This happened. I was there. Proper miracles. Gospel truth:


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the final tables' grief will turn to joy

1The final table was angry this night. Aggression and resentment hung in the air in a tangible funk, but emerging beneath, conceived in this mood, the gestation of a Fox poker legend had commenced.

2Pete of Spedding was crippled, holding only 2,500 of the 140,000 chips in play. A crowd had gathered as they heard he was on his way out. They drank from the cup mirth and joy as Pete of Spedding quipped that a chop should be had and the final four should share the spoils. John of Salmon saw that it was bad and offered up to Pete his finger, the middle one.

Pete's first denial

3At first John of Salmon, Chris of Peros and Andy of Perrie did not understand. Only after Peter’s first denial of tournament death did they realise that some things are written. Peter had turned 2,500 into 7,500 and blessed was he, the flopped King of Clubs.

Pete's second denial

4Pete of Spedding was again all-in and again denied death - doubling through to 15,000. Now the crowd was with him, his chips were plenty and he had risen from the dead. And so it came to pass, folded round to the blinds, John of Salmon cried out all-in and 12,500 chips were in the middle. But Pete of Spedding was not blind for he could see and took off his grave clothes and did call with Q-8!

Pete's third denial

5John of Salmon did weep as the Queen of diamonds did river and his 10-7 fell fallow. Only the angel who falls knows the depths of hell, and so it came to pass he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. Chris of Peros fell soon after and into the light came heads-up.

6Andy of Perrie with Ace-9 and a 4-1 chip lead was again denied by Pete, who, with Q - 4 did recover to parity by hitting runner-runner-runner on a board of Ace-8-2-3-5 for a wheel straight. Thus, Andy overcome with grief did offer the chop.

7Points were played for and Pete of Spedding ultimately prevailed. Fox Poker legend – conceived in hostility, was delivered in joy and we saw that it was good. Amen.