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Sports minister Gerry Sutcliffe, has claimed Premiership footballers salaries are obscene. Yaaawn. I can't stand this pathetic jealous argument. There's no such thing as earning too much. Only earning too little. Anyway, the average dude on the street makes £450 a week. The boy Sutcliffe makes £5,500 a week. By my calculations he's in no position to judge anyone on value for money.

Take a look at the faces of a crowd at a football match when a crucial goal goes in. When David Platt scored for England against Belgium in the dying seconds of the Quarter final in Italia 90 most of the country lost control of themselves for the rest of the evening. And when they lost the penalty shoot-out against the Jormans in the semi-final, we as a nation were as devastated as the Jormans in the autumn of 1945. There's nothing else on this god forsaken planet that provoke those kinds of emotions.

When did thousands of people last behave that way because of something a politician did? Are politicians worth a basic salary of £5,500 a week? How would we all cope without the work of Gerry Sutcliffe? Dogs would play with cats, the skies would fall, it would be anarchy. Or..no one would notice. Take football away from the globe and you've got about a billion people stuck for something to do with their lives.

The reeeeeeal obscenity as far as wages go in this country, the fifth richest economy on the planet, is that some people are not making enough. There's people in England who can't afford to eat or live in a house or buy new trainers.

Nurses who do back breaking work, cannot afford to eat, how does that work? That my dear sports minister, is unforgivable, not John Terry earning cazzilions a year. And why is it that in this country we have families that are below the poverty line and nurses in those inexplicably sexy uniforms not being able to enjoy a nutritious diet? Because the Government which you are a part of Mr Sutcliffe, functions with as much sensitivity and concern for the British people, as your namesake Peter Sutcliffe had for northern women between 1975 and 1980. Tosser.