How is it possible a custom built expedition ship can sink after hitting ice in the Antarctic? Surely, the one thing this thing ought to be fortified against given that it's sole purpose is cruising through a region of the world perpetually iced over, is damage from hitting fucking ice, no?This is up there with the MoD's purchase of eight Chinoock helicopters that couldn't be flown in cloudy weather and Wembley stadium which cost £800m and doesn't have a roof.
***
I found myself in a queue at a pharmacy this afternoon. In front of me with her spud faced, barrel chested wheezy progeny was a women, let's call her Valerie, who was of affluent status and was looking to purchase some cough medication for her son who, evidently, had that afternoon been taken out of school for having a chesty cough. The poor soul. By all accounts he had been given some cough medicine by the school nurse and naturally Valerie wanted the same stuff as it had been very effective. The boy was unable to recall it's name however, but he was confident he could recognise it from the box!
I laughed at this. We were in a pharmacy surrounded by hundreds of boxes of remedies and potions all of which looked fairly similar and Valerie was quite certain if he were allowed behind the counter to peruse the shelves he could pick out the exact medication he had been given earlier. This I thought to myself, was a woman who clearly leaves the day to day mothering duties to the nanny while she traps off with the help in the pool house.
The pharmacist surely will now diplomatically inform her that this was not possible and suggest a few medications which may be suitable? No. A great idea apparently and off he went behind the counter scratching his head and chin and arm-pits, staring up at boxes and bottles of medication for haemorrhoid's, acid indigestion and herpes.
Eventually he zeroed in on a couple of boxes he felt were his cough syrup, however the pharmacist was adamant this was not the one and quickly suggested Benylin. Quite right too, unless the source of his cough was his menstrual cramps or vaginal thrush. Valerie, looking sheepish, said we'll take all of them and some stamps and off they went. Outside the kid wheezed himself up into their 4x4 and Valerie caught my eye. I hope your itchy twat feels better soon, says I. "Thanks," says Valerie, "I'm sure he'll be fine by Monday."Haha, no that last bit isn't true, the rest is though. Parents today, I ask you.
***
The Capital One credit-card advert has just been on. They're trumpeting their card protection plans. A chap who has been the victim of credit card theft is sat in the office of his bank manager asking if he looks like kind of bloke who would spend £600 on a hair-cut, £300 on high heels and £200 on ballet lessons?
Now then, my answer to this would be, well sir, to each their own. It's more likely to be you buying these things than a credit card thief. You may for example, of paid for your wife's ridiculous hair-do, and the heels to be honest may very well be for you depending on what you get up to on a evening when you're by yourself and the ballet lessons may be for your daughter.
A credit card thief on the other hand is unlikely to purchase these things. If I stole someone's credit card I'd buy jewellery, cars, expensive things I can make money from. I wouldn't have a £600 haircut and ballet lessons.
The Capital One credit-card advert has just been on. They're trumpeting their card protection plans. A chap who has been the victim of credit card theft is sat in the office of his bank manager asking if he looks like kind of bloke who would spend £600 on a hair-cut, £300 on high heels and £200 on ballet lessons?Now then, my answer to this would be, well sir, to each their own. It's more likely to be you buying these things than a credit card thief. You may for example, of paid for your wife's ridiculous hair-do, and the heels to be honest may very well be for you depending on what you get up to on a evening when you're by yourself and the ballet lessons may be for your daughter.
A credit card thief on the other hand is unlikely to purchase these things. If I stole someone's credit card I'd buy jewellery, cars, expensive things I can make money from. I wouldn't have a £600 haircut and ballet lessons.
***
Sport now and Sky Sports News' hysterical coverage of England's futile search for a saviour is really starting to get tedious. It's all very melodramatic typical of Rupert Murdoch's approach to news casting. Essentially if there is no news make it appear as if there is. Hence, six of seven news tickers running across the screen and various lists of completely irrelevant facts and figures listed on the side and in the corner of the screen, the news readers who appear to be saying something but you can't take any of it in because of all the other pointless bullshit you're trying to process at the same time. It has me in quite a daze I can tell you.
0 comments:
Post a Comment