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I bought a newspaper today. By page 5 I realised why I never buy newspapers. How depressing. Poor Rodney King after taking an ass-whupping from the LAPD ten years ago asked his country and the wider world, 'can't we all just get along?" I'm afraid the answer is still a most definite no.

For example, Pakistan. Now Pakistan was always destined to be a godforsaken place...er obviously, since it's an Islamic state founded to give India's Muslims a place to oppress their women and wear silly hats in "peace." But what I mean is, any project undertaken on foundations of religious nonsense is doomed.

Religion makes no sense anyway, but Islam is the biggest load of bollocks out of all of them. I mean, with your Bible you've got a beginning a middle and an end and although it's laced with a series of contradictions and sexual deviation, it's message is generally virtuous, although is still bastardised to fuel peoples random hatreds of one group of people or another.

The Qur'an however, is just chapter upon chapter of rhetorical drivelling ambiguity with no clear message and thus, through a combination of abrogation and paranoid lunacy, provides an open opportunity for your basic, violent, fruit baskets to use it as a means of justifying their own oppressive ideologies and anyone who dares to question it is considered to be stirring up religious hatred, which is so ironic and ridiculous it's very difficult to know where to start to explain why.

So anyway...any state with a non-secular Government will inevitably be a crappy and extremely violent place to live, but, it's really their own fault, so leave them to it I always say. We in this country know better of course, but if you pop out for a pint of milk after dark, you'll be doing well if you return without being accosted by a gang of misunderstood youngsters. I know I've just expressed my loathing of all things religious, but I can't help believing that a series of public teenage crucifixions wouldn't go someway to installing a bit of respect and decency in this hooded social menace. The Romans would have our town centres secured in no time.

If global violence in one form or another wasn't depressing enough the newspaper also ran a story detailing scientists attempts to genetically engineer super-mice! This is terrible news for cats and huge black women from the southern states of America (Thooooomas!) ..but it's also another complete waste of time, money and genius from Science boffins. This sort of thing really reeeally pisses me off.

Why can't these people use their research to cure some fucking diseases? Instead of making incredibly strong mice, why not make incredibly weak humans, normal?? The thought of a bunch of nerdy scientists marveling over a mouse that can run for three days without a cheese break, and spending millions to achieve it is enough to make me dry wretch in disgust.

For fucks sake, you people were given enormous brains and limited social skills to make a difference to mankind. While you're fucking about with Uber-vermin, there's an awful lot of people struggling to negotiate a single steep flight of stairs without tremendous wheezing. And don't give me that shit about the benefits this will have to humans "eventually," cause I've been hearing that shit since I was a kid.

It's always the same with research teams. You get your miwyans of pounds in grant money and piss it up the wall creating strong rodents, then claim eventually it'll lead to a cure for diabetes so they don't cut your funding. When was the last time you people cured anything? Bastards.

In other news and on a brighter note, I did something cool today. I dropped my mobile phone, but with my cat like reflexes I was able to volley it back into my hands - using my left foot too! Unfortunately no one was there to witness it. If Georgie Thompson from Sky Sports News had of seen it I might have got a shag off her, or at least a blowie.

Speaking of delicious lady folk, I saw an interesting package today as I returned home. A lovely face, silky black-blue hair, perfectly pert breasts and a look in her almond shaped eyes that promised nothing but suggested everything...the tease. However, her arse and hips wouldn't have looked out of place on the winner of the St Ledger. Huge they were! How on earth do so many women achieve this physical contradiction? It's such a shame. I have a feeling it has something to do with working in a call-centre, I can't really expand on this theory, but I continue to hold call-centre work accountable for many individual and social deformations and anomalies.

The end.