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Gordon Brown insists that there was no possible way anyone could have predicted the deluge of rain that kept hundreds of other people confined to their homes and cut off my access to Tescos when I really needed a sammich and I was almost out of Shake 'n Vac.

Buuuuuuullshit Mr Brown. If science boffins can predict that most of north-western Europe will be under water in 2,000 years because of the effects of global warming, then surely they can predict a bit of flooding in West Oxfordshire; particularly when most of Yorkshire was under water a few weeks ago and Cornwall was washed away a couple of years ago.

Here look, you don't even need to be a science boffin, I'll do it: I predict, because we're the wettest country in the world and in light of recent flooding in many areas of the country, sometime in the near or distant future, extreme flooding will cause chaos somewhere.

I also predict the following:

- A Tornado will cause thousands of pounds worth of destruction somewhere in the UK
- A heat-wave, seasonal or unseasonal, will kill off most of the pensioners in Eastbourne
- Many feet of seasonal or unseasonal snow will cut-off many villages in various parts of the country
- Mild winds will knock some kids ice cream off it's cone in Whitby causing crying.

Right, predictions made Mr Brown. Let's start preparing for these events so the damage caused is minimal. I don't want to hear any of that shit about how no one could have predicted these conditions when they happen, cause I just did and there's a date and time stamp on this blog.

Might the real cause for this flooding be that our Council Planning Departments spend all our money painting waving lines of various colours on the road for no fucking reason whatsoever and on piddly little fucking roundabouts and silly bollocks speed restrictions, so there's no money left to build decent drains and flood defences. And it might help if we stopped building houses in areas that turn into lakes after half an hour of rain. I know common types need housing, but this is not the way.

Also, people; you have a part to play in flood prevention. If you see water creeping down the street towards your doorstop and it's pissing down without sign of stopping; don't wait until the water is in your living room before you start blocking up your doorway. And if there's four feet of water on the high street, don't get in your Fiat Punto and head down it on your way to or from work.

And how about this, if you live in an area prone to flooding, keep some sand-bags in your shed. Don't wait until Dads Army shows up to hand them out, cause that's gonna be a while. Finally, just so we've got all the bases covered; if this is Biblical and God is trying to get rid of us again because of our wickedness, let's all just be a little nicer to each other.