I'm in a mood at the moment people. I'm 3 parts ennui to 4 parts woe. I get like this every now and then. You read the wrong books, watch the wrong news channels, eat too much sausage and suddenly you've got the Samaritans on speed dial and a bottle of hemlock on ice.
I shall attempt to break free from the jaws of despair this day with some audacious wagers and a drive through Bampton to remind myself there's always someone worse off than myself. I hate it when people say that don't you? Don't you, cause I do. It's always some fat bitch too with hairy moles.
Don't worry about all your family having died in a car crash and you being diagnosed with anus cancer and your 7 fold accumulator not coming in because of a 94th minute penalty - there's always someone worse of than yourself. Oh well fucking great - the world is so shit my current circumstances are trivial. I feel so much better.
Schadenfreude like most things German is not healthy, that's what I always say.
So anyway, my audacious wagers will involve a combination of the following: Venus Williams to win the bitch's Wimbledon singles; Mount Nelson to win the Coral Eclipse; Alejandro Valverde to win the Tour de France; Rafael Nadal to win the chaps Wimbledon singles and finally Ljungskile to beat Orebro half-time/full-time in the Swdish nogger.
I should win approximately £120,000 from that lot and if that doesn't put a smile on my face I'm taking a shoe horn to my arse in search of my g-spot.In other news I'm in two minds as to whether or not I should shoot up to DTD for the £300 freeze-out I did so well in last month. I'm still in my jammies at the moment, but it doesn't start until 8pm and there's a good chance that if things went my way, I could make it to the third level. With that sort of progress I should win it by the year 2035.
In real terms, I might just not bother. *
*Update: I didn't bother
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