Introducing the iRaq - Apple reinvent the USA

1/22/2007 07:50:00 am / The truth was spoken by Rich /

CUPERTINO, CALIFORNIA – Only a few short days after Cisco Systems announced their intention to sue Apple over the recently launched iPhone, which they claim violates it’s trademark, as is par for the course whenever Apple launches anything, the electronics corporation have launched yet another multi-million dollar project and yet again claims have been made of copyright violation, on this occasion, by the Bush administration.

At a MacWorld keynote lasting most of the last five hours, Steve Jobs unveiled the next big product for Apple: The iRaq – the USA reinvented. The iRaq will be a model secular democracy. Exactly the kind of democracy the founding fathers of the United States had intended when drawing up the constitution. A land where the pursuit of happiness and the enjoyment of freedom was not obstructed by discrimination on the grounds of race, sex, and class and where religious lunacy would have no influence over matters of state. It’s main features will be:-
  • Quick and easy installation of democracy
  • No memory what so ever of it’s previous incarnation
  • Protection from religious viruses
  • Smooth running of Government
  • The realisation of the original American dream
  • A fully functioning respect for human rights
  • Complete understanding of irony
  • Predictable weather cycles
  • IQ tests for Presidential candidates
The Genesis for the iRaq began more than five years ago. Increasingly frustrated as the United States descended deeper and deeper into a Christian theocracy where science and logical intelligent reasoning were abandoned by the Bush administration in preference for guidance by an all conquering omnipotent sky fairy, Steve Jobs envisaged a new United States. A place where it’s citizens really will be free to pursue a life without the cancerous religious and nationalistic encumbrances responsible for the destruction of the American dream and also without Microsoft.

The launch of the iRaq however may be delayed as the Bush administration begins to power up it’s lawyers. A White House spokesperson told me and a woman who was looking for the cafeteria, “It’s without question the "iRaq" represents a clear violation of copyright. We have been in the process of installing our own version of democracy in our Iraq now for over five years and our invasion, I mean, the initial foundations laid for this democracy were shown on telly when we bombed the place back to the stone age, so we can prove it.”

President Bush was unavailable for comment as he has no idea what the hell is going on anymore, however Chief Justice of the United States John Roberts’ housekeeper, Yessenia Rodriguez 56, stated, “the burden of proof of the conception of the iRaq rests with Apple inc., but if the two projects are demonstrably diverse enough as to not reasonably cause confusion there would be no case to answer. For example, one would not confuse the ass end of a donkey with George W Bush although they function in much the same way”

CNN Legal analyst Greta Van Susteren’s pool man Rico Esparada 33, echoed the view that there is no case to answer on the grounds of incomparable purpose. “Even if Apple are unable to prove they thought of the idea first, there’s no case here homes, you know what I’m saying?

You’d have to be smoking crack to confuse the two Iraqs. The Apple version will work for one thing because all Apple products work. They’re simple, user friendly and highly efficient, not to mention cool as fuck, where as the Bush Iraq is the mother of all humanitarian fuck ups. Their Iraq is a pile of rubble. I think they’re still using Windows 95 over there too. Assholes”


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