Voy Por Ustedes

WASHINGTON DC - The pilot of the A-10 Tankbuster responsible for bombing the hell out of a British Army convey of tanks killing Lance Corporal Matty Hull in the process has been identified as the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

In a sickeningly callous public relations stunt, the President was sent up in the warplane to win back the support of the American public who have lost faith in the Bush Administrations Iraq War "strategy".

A White House spokesman probably told me earlier today, "We figured if the President got up there himself and started wasting those insurgent som'bitches he would send a clear message to the American people that he is 100% committed to the fight. Unfortunately, he wasted those nice British folks who keep bailing us out of trouble."

A full transcript of the cockpit video the Pentagon did not want us to see is given below. The Presidents call sign is Barney. The US Marine Corps Forward Air Controllers call sign is Manilla Hotel.

BARNEY: Breaker breaker 1-9, this is Barney is anyone on my frequency, come back.

MANILLA HOTEL: Erm…Roger Barney, this is MANILLA HOTEL,

BARNEY: Well hello there good buddy, let’s have some fun on this here two way. Where are those commy som’bitches? Come back.

MANILLA HOTEL: Erm..your targets are marked 313322 and 313323, confirm? Over

BARNEY: Is that you Scooter? Roger

MANILLA HOTEL: Erm..negative Barney this er…this is er..we’re the guys in the room with all those flashy TV screens sir…the ones you said beep too loud. We spot the bad guys sir. Over

BARNEY: Where are the damn cup holders in this thing? I can’t find the damn cup holders. $613 billion dollars I give you guys in the last defence budget and there are no damn cup holders in the cockpit. Give me a second Scooter, I’m gonna need to down this bad boy in one.

MANILLA HOTEL: Erm…sir..er..Barney, can you confirm your targets at 313322 and 313323? Over.

BARNEY: Buuuuuuuurghhhhhhhhh. Aaaaah.

MANILLA HOTEL: Erm...repeat, can you confirm your targets are at 313322 and 313323. Over.

BARNEY: Break breaker, I got a bear in the air with a plane brown wrapper, I’m gonna turn and burn and fry these guys for supper. Hook em cook em and take em home to momma. Victor Roger Over

MANILLA HOTEL: Barney, what numbers do you have flashing in your green square in front of your eyes? over.

BARNEY: Let's see now...we got a 4 a 3 a 5 and a deuce deuce. These guys are so stoopid, they cover their veeee-hick-uls with bright orange covers. What the sam hell kinda camouflage is that? Hell, my Daddy could see that and he can't see the nose in front 'o his face. Roger.

MANILLA HOTEL: Erm..negative sir negative....those are friendlies, REPEAT, Those are friendly targets. Abort attack REPEAT, ABORT ATTACK

BARNEY: BORN IN THE USA I WAS BOOORN IN THE USAAAA. TRY AND KILL MY DAD WILL YA YOU RAG HEAD WEARING SOM’BITCHES, COME ON SCOOTER LET’S SMOKE THESE GOOKS

MANILLA HOTEL: OH JESUS CHRIST ON THREE WHEELS, SIR NO NO! THOSE ARE FRIENDLIES PLEASE GOD NO SIR THOSE ARE FRIENDLIES REPEAT FRIENDLIES….ABORT ATTACK….. ABORT ABORT ABORT…LARRY CALL SOMEONE, ERASE THOSE EMAILS, SHUT DOWN THOSE RECORDERS, DANNY, WHERE’S MY CIGARETTES, PETEY, WE WERE NEVER HERE, IF ANYONE ASKS WE WERE NEVER HERE, FRANKY, HOW ABOUT SOME COFFEE? NO THANKS.

BARNEY: BINGO!!! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED SUCKERS. You go to war with Uncle Sam and you will die!!