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It has been confirmed that Prince Harry (29) will be deployed to Iraq with his Blues and Royals regiment making him the first Royal to serve on the front line since Prince Andrew 25 years ago during the Fawklands war.

A joint statement by the Ministry of Defence and Clarence House confirmed the deployment saying Cornet Wales (his Army rank and name) “will be leading 12 men in four Scimitar armoured reconnaissance vehicles, each with a crew of three.”

The statement continued, “of course it goes without saying that when we say he will be deployed and lead this troop, what we mean in actuality is that another chap will be doing the actual soldiering for him.

“We couldn’t possibly put someone of Prince Harry’s status in a war zone. I mean, it’s very dangerous. Who knows what may happen. He could get shot quite easily, or captured or injured and blown to pieces by the Americans. No no no, it’s quite preposterous to assume he could actually serve in a front line troop in person, so of course we have chosen to put a normal chap in his place, someone who won’t be missed if there’s an accident, well, not mourned by the nation I mean, I’m sure his wife and children would miss him.

“The chap chosen is a perfectly competent young officer called Danny from South Shields which I believe is in the North of the country, he will do the actual soldiering for the Prince and the being blown up should the worst come to the worst. One needs to look at the Princes “deployment” in it’s symbolic sense. It’s a marvellous gesture on the part of the Prince to symbolically serve in such a dangerous and unstable area and I think all those grandmothers up and down the country who are worrying about their grandsons will now be able to take great comfort in knowing that the Queen will now be symbolically sharing exactly the same concern.”


This symbolic deployment bears an uncanny resemblance to Prince Harry’s symbolic taking of exams during his time at Eton. On that occasion Harry symbolically took art exams; although the actual work was done by Art teacher Sarah Forsyth (121). Miss Forsyth was later accused of being a lesbian and Satan worshipper after she accused the Prince of cheating.