Tiger Woods is in "serious condition" in hospital after being involved in a car crash after leaving his home at 2.25am last night. I'm sure Tiger will be fine, but as he was the only one involved in this accident when his car hit a fire hydrant and then a tree and given the time of night, one has to assume this will not end well for the boy Woods.
Very rarely are people out driving around at 2:25am doing anything positive. They're reporting that he was not three sheets to the wind, which by my way of thinking leaves only one possible explanation for such an accident.
They're saying his airbags did not deploy - this means he was traveling at less than 30mph. I can only assume he was having his cock sucked by a hooker. It's the only explanation. And I'm going to go out on a limb and predict it was a male hooker.
Anyone who thinks such a clean living, quiet role-model type would never indulge in such a seedy episode of oral relief need only leaf through the papers of Hugh Grant's arrest some years ago when he was arrested offering up monies to Divine Brown for a gobble.
Fascinating stuff. I fear he's had his cock bitten off. More on this later.
In other news, Gillette executives are getting really pissed off and have been on the phone to Roger Federer pleading with tennis' world number one to just stay in for a while.
Disappointing Update**
Bah, it seems just for a change the media have exaggerated the nature of Woods' injuries. He's now been released from hospital and it appears he's just had a domestic with the misses, she's scratched his face up a bit, probably called him a bastard and he's hit several obstacles in a fairly embarrassing attempt to drive off in a huff. It now seems highly unlikely that he'll be arrested and humiliated for late night cottaging.
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1 comments:
Roger Federer, Colin lloyd, and Kirk Shepherd would be the logical new line-up.
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