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I'm glad this game has a lunch time kick-off tomorrow. I'm hoping I'll sleep in and it'll all be over and done with by the time I wake up.

Derby day is very much like making love to an ugly woman; an occasion that couldn't be tolerated more than twice a year with a climax that isn't even guaranteed and not even worth the effort if it is achieved.

I suspect this game will follow a similar pattern to previous North London derbies when Tott**ham have managed to convince themselves they're as good as Arsenal - they'll tear around the place for the first 45 minutes like a cocker-spaniel chasing a postman, possibly take the lead, then run out of steam in the second half and lose.

They'll convince themselves that had a few refereeing decisions gone their way they would have won and the cavernous gap between the two clubs not longer exists and spend the rest of season bemoaning their misfortune. Meanwhile Arsenal fans will be pleased it's over and get on with their lives.

Schopenhauer was right when he said life without pain has no meaning - the 4-4 last season left a permanent scar on my soul, but I've accepted it now as one of those painful experiences in life which exist to give the good times more meaning. I fancy us for a meaningful win tomorrow, but I can't be wagering on this.

I do fancy having a few shillings on Portsmouth and possibly include them in a double with Brizzle City - are they the 'shitters' or the 'gassers'? I can never remember. A shitters double on a shitty day.

Oh yes, I also had a funny turn when I saw the prices for the Birmingham City v Man City game. It may have just been gas, but I've learned never to ignore gas when looking at football prices so I'm taking the 7/2 on Blues.

So then...Portsmouth, Brizzle City, Birmingham City in various combinations. Also a politics punt which I'll discuss in greater detail later. And why not?