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Do you remember where you were the day Barack Obama became President of the United States? I hope you do as it was only on Tuesday, but if I ask you that same question in a years time you'll probably still remember as will cabillions of people around the world. Probably one of those things you'll always remember, like the assassination of JFK, the 9/11 attacks and Arsenal's signing of Dennis Bergkamp.

Hands up who remembers where they were the day Gordon Brown was invited to royally fuck the nation up, quite literally by the Queen? Hands up who even remembers the date? June 27, 2007, and I only know that cause I looked it up. Did anyone in Tanzania walk 20 miles to find a TV set to witness Gordon Brown being sworn in as the first Scottish non-elected Raith Rovers supporting Prime Minister of the United Kingdom? It's a little facetious I know, but more people voluntarily voted for Robert Mugabe than Gordon Brown. What's happened to us? Our Empire used to encompass a quarter of the globe and now Countdown gets more viewers than the swearing in of a new PM.


I thought Gordon Brown was uninspiring before this week, but even more so now. It's hard to imagine kids of all creeds and cultures around the globe painting Gordon on their foreheads that rainy day in June he drove to see the Queen. She probably forgot about it too. It wouldn't surprise me if she answered the door with curlers in her hair. "Oh..fark..sorry Gordy....Phillip it's Gordon, put the kettle on."

I'm being silly of course. It's largely irrelevant who's in charge now. We're doomed. All nations who resided over great Empires all suffer the same fate. Our time has passed and the world looks to America now for inspiration. But it's still not too much to ask for us to expect our leader to offer us a little more than a dour Presbyterian lesson in attrition. He makes me feel like I'm living in Victorian times where every lump of coal is like gold dust. To quote Charles Dickens, "he would make a lovely corpse."

Unfortunately the only viable alternative is David Cameron and I wouldn't trust him to wax my car. "Just finishing the second coat now..." yeah right you spivvy fucker.

You know who I'd like to see as PM given the choices we're faced with? Who who?...well, I'll tell you. Not possible now of course, but I'd have given the job to Vince Cable. We need someone in charge with a funky first name.

He's old, but he's a good chap. He understands the economy and he's funny too. During his brief stint as Liberal leader he regularly made fun of Gordon Brown and David Cameron at PMQ's. He was the one who pointed out to Gordon Brown that he was in fact a robbing bastard with that 10p tax swindle.

I'm still mystified as to why they ditched him for this Clegg fella. People still don't know who Nick Clegg is. If the leader of one of the three main political parties walks into a pub the patrons ought to be able to spot him and recognise him. Brown and Cameron yes, but Nick Clegg, no. With the exception of maybe his own constituency, he is free to roam about the nation with his todger out - and does so too from what I've read about him - without so much as a by-your-leave from anyone. Sigh!

It's embarrassing isn't it. When Obama comes over here I want him to be met by someone as visionary and inspiring and as cool as he is. Someone he can put the world to rights with and then shoot some hoops. Not someone with a chin like a coffin and the ability to curdle a pregnant ladies breast milk just by looking at her. Oooooooowwww it's not fucking fair. It's like not wanting your friend's cooler Dad to meet your own Dad because he wears black socks with sandals. Let's have an election shall we, just something to spice things up a bit. Or some riots or something. I'm bored.