Voy Por Ustedes

I get a lot of emails mostly from Germans and people from western parts of Belgium asking me about comedy: What is comedy? How can I be as funny as you? Please teach me how to be funny etc etc.

A recent letter from an old lady from München was a very typical enquiry and I'm sure she won't mind me discussing it here. Lisel von Schtrophenburß sent me a joke and asked me if I felt it was funny enough to have her dinner party guests laughing so hard they'd womit into their apple strudel.

Due to the mild anti-Semitic flavour of the joke I won't repeat it here, but what I will say to Lisel is that comedy is not just about telling jokes, or "Monkhousing" as I like to call it. The late Bob Monkhouse proved that any old fool can memorise 5,000 jokes and just rattle them off during the conversations he shoe horns his way into. But while this is mildy amusing initially, it soon becomes irritating and eventually a nation of people will welcome your death.

Comedy of course is not a science so there are no hard and fast rules to follow as such. What is funny to one person may be considered highly offensive to another. While I'm sure a joke about three rabbi's having a shower might be considered hilarious at a Bavarian dinner party hosted by an ex-Nazi youth septuagenarian, it almost certainly would no be appropriate sort of anywhere else on the globe. Nonetheless, all genuine comedy is made from a combination of the same ingredients.

Comedy gold has a more sophisticated quality to it than simple joke telling unless of course the joke is original. Even slapstick. Hitting someone in the face with a spade isn't too sophisticated, the subtlety comes from the timing of the blow and the reaction after it's delivery. In all comedy there should be an element of the unexpected, some misdirection and a cheekiness or even an element of the taboo to tease out the rebellious streak in us all.

You can learn of all this and more by undertaking my course in comedy. For €150 (£750) you too can be as funny as me in only a few months by listening to and watching the examples included in the various CD's and reading the examples in the reading material.

Using the simple listen, watch, read and do technique, my three part course will give you an extensive insight into slapstick, parody, satire, sarcasm, farce, surrealism, irony, black comedy and timing, in order to ween you off your reliance on Monkhousing and give you the ability to spot and exploit amusing situations in any social setting by delivering good original comedy gold.

I'm so confident you'll be as funny as me after taking this course, lesson 1 comes with a 30 day money back guarantee. If you're not entirely satisfied with the progress you've made after taking lesson 1, please just return the CD's and reading material for a full refund and I'll even send you a copy of Bob Monkhouse's book, "5,000 dinner party jokes" free of charge. Please allow 31 days for delivery.

Hahaha, see what I did there? I said it's a 30 day money back guarantee, but yet there's a 31 day delivery allowance. Haha, fucking brilliant.