Voy Por Ustedes

So it's the Grand National this weekend. I used to bet on horses every day, but these days my betting focuses largely on South American football and the raccoon fights in the basement of Benny Hong's place, the Chinese dude who owns our take-away and the largest collection of scat porn in the Western Hemisphere. Or so he claims.

Erm..so anyway yes. These days there's only a handful of horse races I take an interest in; the Classics, the Cheltenham Festival and the Grand National. Now we know of course that the winner of the Grand National must conform to certain criteria: you're generally looking for a 9-11 year old, a handicap rating above 135, not carrying more than 11 stone, won a race over at least three miles preferably one of those races being worth at least £17,000 and run at least ten chases preferably with big fields.

Everyone knows that stuff, but something your average punter may not have known over the last eight years, is that the winning horse has had an insatiable appetite for biscuits.

You need to know the right people to get this sort of information and I'm people who know people, so while there's still 70+ runners to pick from as we speak, I can tell you there's actually only one horse with a qualifying love of biscuits - Farley's Rusks to be exact - and that horse is Hear the Echo.

You heard it here first. I hope you were listening. I'll bid you good day.