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I'll be perfectly honest with you - I don't like Jacqui Smith. I never have in fact. I don't like her because she's got horrible big woman's tits and likes to show them off, she has only average intelligence and poor judgment exemplified by her awesome idea to claim the home in which her family lives is somehow her second home.

Mostly though I dislike her because her position as Home Secretary is costing the tax-payer well over half a million pounds a year and a Home Secretary is utterly irrelevant in this day and age since all of the rules and regulations regarding all aspects of this job are determined by EU lawmakers in Brussels not Jacqui Smith in the poky little spare room she's claiming cabillions of pounds for in expenses. She has no chin either and I have never trusted the chinless.

This thing about her housing expenses is clearly a con. Everyone can see that. The fact she might have behaved within the rules is a front. she's still taking the piss. She has a fifteen bedroom home in Redditch which I imagine has a fairly juicy mortgage attached to it with some equally juicy interest. She also has access to her sister's spare room. The mortgage payments, one assumes, amount to considerably more than the £7,000 a year she's payer her sister. Hmmmm what to do?

How about claiming that you live in London more than Redditch, therefore allowing you to claim expenses for the more expensive home in Redditch rather than the little spare room? Voila!! Jacqui can now live in a sprawling fifteen bedroom home in the country for what amounts to £7,000 a year. Notice how the Tories are not making a big deal out of this because they're all at it.

This of course is scandalous. But for me, the far larger scandal and the far more bitter pill to swallow, is that she is permitted to exist as a senior minister at all. What does the Home Secretary do these days? Immigration control? Nope, that'll be controlled by the EU. Citizenship? No not really, not anymore, that'll be mainly determined by Brussels too. Policing? Brussels again. National security? Yes, she's in charge of keeping us safe with measures she considers appropriate, as long as they are considered justifiable by EU law which comes from Brussels.

Forget the £23,000 a year she's claiming in order to keep her "second home" in Redditch, what about her frookin £80,000 salary, the £140,000 a year she claims to keep her office and the £400,000 a year in police protection she gets when she goes anywhere.

What I'd like to see if this is to be permitted is a Running Man style game show where MP's who want to claim expenses over £20,000 a year have to negotiate a series of obstacles built into an urban sprawl while they're hunted down by the most unhinged members of the tax-paying public with Pit-Bulls and Rottweillers and other dangerous dogs. If they make it through the maze they win their expenses...usually though they'd be torn to pieces and their various body parts displayed on spikes...Noel Edmonds could host.