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I think nothing shows up professional footballers' exceptional cowardice than a hockey game or any Rugby Union game. I know they wear pads, but as you can see from this video, the chap in red wasn't sporting any pads on his chin, and I can tell you he regained consciousness in time to be out on the ice for his next shift. AC Milan's goalkeeper on the other hand, who was tickled on the cheek by a cheeky left-footed Jock tonight, and went off on a stretcher holding an ice-pack to his face.

You'll see headlines tomorrow about Dida being "attacked" by a fan, but it was no more violence than a fat divorcee uses when cuddling one of her thirty kittens. This was not an attack. It was a chavy Celtic fan of about 18, who probably weighs no more than one of Dida's thighs, who ran past him in a state of joy and delerium and patted his cheek as if to say, "oooooch matey, skibbedy dee skibbedy doo och wee jibbedy dee, we've gone and shit en yeee."

So Dida's decided to try and catch the little urchin and give him a clip over the ear Dixon of Dock Green stylee, but after a few steps his cowardice and conniving professional footballers mentality has kicked in and he's gone to ground like Jean Charles de Menezes after a police chase, to try and get the games result reversed. F**king bollocks.

This was worse than Rivaldo's collapse when a ball hit him in the knee. Bloody Brazilians, it wouldn't surprise me if Menezes took a dive too. It's probably in the genes. Geeertcha.