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This dude who allegedly tried to blow up a plane the other day when it had landed in Detroit - he was no more a threat to that plane and it's passengers than a fat man's fart and the CIA, FBI, DIY and MFI know it.

He was probably just preparing a rolly so he could have a smoke after a long flight. They make a big deal out of this sort of thing though don't they. They manufacture these little episodes to keep us all scared. They need stuff like this to occur to maintain this simmering level of paranoia amongst us so to keep this nonsense war on terror alive.

It's why they've never caught Bin Laden. They always let him get away when they've had a chance to have the dish-dash wearing som'bitch standing tall before the man. If they caught him, this war on terror would be over in the eyes of the general public, so they need him to remain at large.

They know Al-Qeada exists only between the pages of the newspapers - there is no Al-Qeada with a headquarters and a leader and a flag and headed stationery and a website, it's just a bullshit made up organisation for us to all focus our anger towards like Emmanuel Goldstein in Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four.

So yes, this Abdulmutallab fella, this is how much bullshit this whole thing is. The US "Intelligence" dudes have two lists for terrorists - one has about 500,000 names on it - Mr Abdulmutallab being one of them - and to have your name added to it you just need to have worn sandals and let off a firework on holiday somewhere.

The second list is much smaller and is for the scarier types who the US consider too dangerous to let them on planes bound for the US. But right, but, the only way to get on this list is blow a plane up or be caught in the process of blowing a plane up. The 9/11 bombers for example are on this list - I suspect they won't re-offend though.

Do you remember the shoe bomber? He's on that list. Did anyone ever actually test his bomb to see if it would have worked? No. And those liquid bombs? They tested those, but they didn't go as far as to test whether you could reasonably build one on a flight.

Bastards, trying to pull the wool over our eyes. All this means is just a shittier journey for the rest of us. They're talking about banning those in-flight map things so you can't track the plans progress and also considering locking toilets an hour from landing, which in my experience is when you're most likely to need a piss. We'll all have to collect our luggage with piss streaked trousers.

It won't be long before we're flying in those orange boiler suits, after being strip searched and placed on planes blind-folded and sensory deprived for the whole journey, fucking terrifying. Still, as long as we win this war on terror it'll all be worth it.