Voy Por Ustedes

I was able to eat quite a lot of grapes this morning. The Romans thought grapes increased intelligence, aggression and I think they also enjoyed using them sexually. I'll be satisfied with the extra IQ points and aggression for now.

They've allowed me to place some incredibly shrewd wagers, which to the untrained eye, might look like shots in the dark placed while only half awake. But oh no. I think you'll find that when all is said and done and Stoke have beaten Hull, Fulham have beaten Aston Villa, West Ham have beaten Liverpool and the Manchester derby has ended in a draw, my selections were far from arbitrary morning pajamas and a cup of tea guesses.

I've lumped these selections into multiples, but will happily sacrifice any return on the bet if Hull City take an utter pasting. I'm on my third Phil Brown Voodoo doll now and my fourth box of poisoned needles.

Some say my hatred for the man is unhealthy and disproportionate, but I feel my wrath is entirely reasonable and my critics will just have to trust me - the sooner this vile and orange faced man is running his wine bar and entertaining eastern European teenagers with his elephant impression the better we'll all be. I only have the best interests of football at heart.

Later on this evening I will be making my Ali like return to the poker tables at the new G-Casino in Coventry which used to be the Isle, but now isn't.

I haven't played since Vegas and have only left my house a couple of times since my return. It's time. I've started talking to myself so it's very important I enjoy some social interaction.

I feel like I'm mentally robust enough again now to cope with a bad beat which hopefully won't occur, but one ought to make provision for.