Now let's get one thing straight. I go to a barbers to have my hair cut because it's a no nonsense experience where the guy will arrange my barnet how I instruct him and under no circumstances will he bother me with mindless small talk unless I preempt the conversation.
What them fangled suffragettes and PC global warming, tree hugging equal rights for all leg warmer wearing leftie lentil eaters have gone and done is make it compulsory for a gents barbers to employ female hairdressers. NO! You hear me NO! NO MORE!
A barbers and a hairdressers are two very different worlds and never the twain shall meet is what I always say. Apart from the clear danger of accidentally elbowing a female hairsmith in the clitoris the danger of being tangled up in a web of nonsensical small talk and baffling guff is unavoidable and a cause of emotional distress amongst the male population who simply want shorter hair and to be left alone.
I was lucky today, but I vicariously felt the pain of my fellow customers as the god awful scissorist to my right bombarded them with wave upon wave of small talk which seemed to me every bit as incendiary and devastating as the fire bombing of Dresden in the second world war. A women who, incidentally, didn't seem to care that the cut off top she was wearing doesn't suit fat women: "Bah", she appeared to be saying, "yeah I'm fat but there's some good pussy under this gut", or sentiments to that effect.
What them fangled suffragettes and PC global warming, tree hugging equal rights for all leg warmer wearing leftie lentil eaters have gone and done is make it compulsory for a gents barbers to employ female hairdressers. NO! You hear me NO! NO MORE!
A barbers and a hairdressers are two very different worlds and never the twain shall meet is what I always say. Apart from the clear danger of accidentally elbowing a female hairsmith in the clitoris the danger of being tangled up in a web of nonsensical small talk and baffling guff is unavoidable and a cause of emotional distress amongst the male population who simply want shorter hair and to be left alone.
I was lucky today, but I vicariously felt the pain of my fellow customers as the god awful scissorist to my right bombarded them with wave upon wave of small talk which seemed to me every bit as incendiary and devastating as the fire bombing of Dresden in the second world war. A women who, incidentally, didn't seem to care that the cut off top she was wearing doesn't suit fat women: "Bah", she appeared to be saying, "yeah I'm fat but there's some good pussy under this gut", or sentiments to that effect.
Conversation one
HAIRDRESSER: So, have you got the day off then?
CUSTOMER: Yes I have, just today
HAIRDRESSER: What job do you do then?
CUSTOMER: I'm an aircraft technician in the RAF
HAIRDRESSER: Oh right, so are you a pilot then?
CUSTOMER: Erm..no
ME: (not out loud) Please make it stop
Conversation two
HAIRDRESSER: So, have you got the day off then? What do you do?
CUSTOMER: Just on me lunch hour, I build dry stone walls.
HAIRDRESSER: Oooooh OK, my cousin owns a bakery
ME: (not out loud) What the fuck??????!????
Conversation three
HAIRDRESSER: Day off today?
CUSTOMER: Er no I'm working nights at the moment.
HAIRDRESSER: Oh, what do you do?
CUSTOMER: I'm in the RAF
HAIRDRESSER: Really? We just had a RAF guy in about twenty minutes ago, I think he was a pilot.
CUSTOMER: Oh
ME: (out loud) Jesus.
Look up 'small' in the dictionary and it'll give you 'insignificant; unimportant' amongst it's various definitions. Unimportant therefore, unnecessary. Have these creatures never heard the expression silence is golden? I've never advocated a chap sporting long hair, I feel I now understand why so many do.
2 comments:
I hate going to the hairdressers for this presice reason. But what I don't understand is why you were at the hairdressers long enough to witness three conversations of this nature. Were you having a perm or a blue rinse or both?
There was a queue pet.
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