I love the Discovery Channel, I was never quite sure if the whole channel isn't just one big hoax, but a "documentary" tonight entitled “Sleep sex” has confirmed my feeling that it is. If it isn't, and you ever held a degree of scepticism over the legitimacy of some members of the medical professions claims to the title of “Doctor” then this will confirm your doubts. These people are no more Doctors than I am an Olympic standard athlete.
I recommend you watch it, for it’s comedy value if not it’s authenticity.
Case 1 – “George” and “Anne”.
George and Anne have been together for two years; George is 38 and a successful labourer. Anne is 36 and I imagine, works at Woolies. Their relationship and life together has been an Island Paradise yet over the past four months a dark cloud has appeared over their island, a cloud in the shape of a succession of unsolicited thunderous rattlings George has given Anne apparently in his sleep. Essentially George has been sleep raping; according to the medical profession he has anyway.
So let’s examine these episodes. Apparently the first time this happened Anne had gone to bed before George, as is her usual routine. Later that night after George had joined her, he rolled over, started groping her breasts and made attempts to pries open her legs. Anne resisted. “No you mustn’t, I’m not in the mood”, she cried. “Give over”, replied George and he proceeded to have his way with her. Anne resisted initially, but, “he was just too strong” explained Anne, “his heaving buttocks powered his man tool into me and I was at his mercy, I wanted to fight but he would have used his bulging muscles to force me back, so I had to let him take what he wanted. The brute.” I'm paraphrasing here, I forget what she actually said.
In the morning Anne discussed the events with George as she was really rather cross. George claimed to have no memory of such an event. How is it possible to have sex and not know about it claimed George. Anne was about to suggest he ask almost every married woman in the country, but thought better of it.
Anyhoo, these episodes continued over the following weeks and got more and more violent; Anne obviously becoming more and more scared. In fact, evidently she was so scared that over the course of these FOUR FUCKING MONTHS!!, she didn’t think to just sleep in a different bed. Probably in case he followed her and was extra angry at having to do so that he might subject her to an even more degrading and distressing ordeal.
So, it turns out that this is a legitimate medical condition. This is a very serious sleep disorder called sexomnia and can cause all manner of shenanigans in the bedroom and in this case the sexomnia was triggered by something called Sleep Apnoea. George has an obstruction in his throat, which causes him to stop breathing while he’s asleep; this lack of oxygen to his brain causes the disruption to his brain waves and makes him continuously rape his wife.
It’s absolutely not the case that George just got randy one night, tried to have sex with his woman who resisted, but he thought fuck it I’ll do it anyway and say I was pissed; and it’s not the case that while he was going at it Anne realised she was quite fond of a bit of rough so let him continue, but would claim to be very very cross indeed the next morning so he wouldn’t think she was a trollop.
It’s also not the case that any lack of oxygen to his brain was merely caused by him being from Burnley, just in case you were thinking that. And the idea of simply sleeping in separate rooms was not an option because they have a pool table in the spare room and getting rid of it and putting a bed in there was obviously far more inconvenient than being raped every night indefinitely.
Case 2 – “Ben”
Ben was a 28 year old man from somewhere in America I think. He was charged with rape after “Georging” his girlfriend. He was acquitted in court after a sleep specialist defended him stating that Ben suffered from a legitimate sleep disorder, he had a history of sleep walking and had previous "sleep sex” episodes with two other women, and was not aware of his actions. The judge ruled that as Ben was not aware of his actions he was therefore not responsible for them. The victim turned white and passed out.
The Judge seemed to feel that it wasn’t relevant that Ben had chosen not to inform his new girlfriend vis-à-vis his history of forcing himself on women while he slept. Although some commentators have suggested that if you about to enter into a relationship with a woman and you knew you were a sleep rapist, you might want to give the poor girl a heads-up before she consented to sleep in the same bed as you and by not doing so was tantamount to rape.
Meanwhile poor Ben is rebuilding his life. His victim, I mean, his ex-girlfriend, well they didn’t say what happened to her. I guess they’re not together anymore though.
Case 3 – Carly
This was my favourite. Carly was a 35 year old woman who had a habit of masturbating herself ALL night EVERY night (YEAH BABY!). While this was causing her no physical pain or discomfort and was not in fact detrimental to her health in any way, it was preventing her husband from sleeping properly. HAHAHA no shit!!!!
If I was really really late for a meeting in which I was about to be given £10 million pounds, but would get nothing if I was late, there’s two sights that could make me halt my journey. One is a hideous car crash. The other is a woman masturbating.
Again, let’s assume that in the billion to one chance her husband really didn’t appreciate her pleasuring herself, surely he could have just slept in a different room. What is this obsession couples have with sleeping in the same bed? Why can’t you have sex, have a chat if you must and then troop off to separate beds? Surely you get a better nights sleep, no one steals the covers, you don't wake each other up when you go to the toilet, you don’t have to watch the other one wanking continuously and there’s no danger of accidentally getting the shit raped out of you. But, no…best to just tolerate it. Bite on a book, think of England, take some sleeping pills, put a pillow over your head and so on, all seem preferable than parting from each other at a time when you’re both unconscious anyway.
Carly is concerned that this may cause the break-up of her marriage. I assume she has a pool table in her spare room too. To be fair though Carly, if you’re married to someone who doesn’t want to watch you frig yourself off every night and is too dumb to just sleep somewhere else anyway, then you’re better off with a divorce aren't you? Yes that's what I thought. If you do get a divorce, there's this guy called Ben I could introduce you to.
I recommend you watch it, for it’s comedy value if not it’s authenticity.
Case 1 – “George” and “Anne”.
George and Anne have been together for two years; George is 38 and a successful labourer. Anne is 36 and I imagine, works at Woolies. Their relationship and life together has been an Island Paradise yet over the past four months a dark cloud has appeared over their island, a cloud in the shape of a succession of unsolicited thunderous rattlings George has given Anne apparently in his sleep. Essentially George has been sleep raping; according to the medical profession he has anyway.
So let’s examine these episodes. Apparently the first time this happened Anne had gone to bed before George, as is her usual routine. Later that night after George had joined her, he rolled over, started groping her breasts and made attempts to pries open her legs. Anne resisted. “No you mustn’t, I’m not in the mood”, she cried. “Give over”, replied George and he proceeded to have his way with her. Anne resisted initially, but, “he was just too strong” explained Anne, “his heaving buttocks powered his man tool into me and I was at his mercy, I wanted to fight but he would have used his bulging muscles to force me back, so I had to let him take what he wanted. The brute.” I'm paraphrasing here, I forget what she actually said.
In the morning Anne discussed the events with George as she was really rather cross. George claimed to have no memory of such an event. How is it possible to have sex and not know about it claimed George. Anne was about to suggest he ask almost every married woman in the country, but thought better of it.
Anyhoo, these episodes continued over the following weeks and got more and more violent; Anne obviously becoming more and more scared. In fact, evidently she was so scared that over the course of these FOUR FUCKING MONTHS!!, she didn’t think to just sleep in a different bed. Probably in case he followed her and was extra angry at having to do so that he might subject her to an even more degrading and distressing ordeal.
So, it turns out that this is a legitimate medical condition. This is a very serious sleep disorder called sexomnia and can cause all manner of shenanigans in the bedroom and in this case the sexomnia was triggered by something called Sleep Apnoea. George has an obstruction in his throat, which causes him to stop breathing while he’s asleep; this lack of oxygen to his brain causes the disruption to his brain waves and makes him continuously rape his wife.
It’s absolutely not the case that George just got randy one night, tried to have sex with his woman who resisted, but he thought fuck it I’ll do it anyway and say I was pissed; and it’s not the case that while he was going at it Anne realised she was quite fond of a bit of rough so let him continue, but would claim to be very very cross indeed the next morning so he wouldn’t think she was a trollop.
It’s also not the case that any lack of oxygen to his brain was merely caused by him being from Burnley, just in case you were thinking that. And the idea of simply sleeping in separate rooms was not an option because they have a pool table in the spare room and getting rid of it and putting a bed in there was obviously far more inconvenient than being raped every night indefinitely.
Case 2 – “Ben”
Ben was a 28 year old man from somewhere in America I think. He was charged with rape after “Georging” his girlfriend. He was acquitted in court after a sleep specialist defended him stating that Ben suffered from a legitimate sleep disorder, he had a history of sleep walking and had previous "sleep sex” episodes with two other women, and was not aware of his actions. The judge ruled that as Ben was not aware of his actions he was therefore not responsible for them. The victim turned white and passed out.
The Judge seemed to feel that it wasn’t relevant that Ben had chosen not to inform his new girlfriend vis-à-vis his history of forcing himself on women while he slept. Although some commentators have suggested that if you about to enter into a relationship with a woman and you knew you were a sleep rapist, you might want to give the poor girl a heads-up before she consented to sleep in the same bed as you and by not doing so was tantamount to rape.
Meanwhile poor Ben is rebuilding his life. His victim, I mean, his ex-girlfriend, well they didn’t say what happened to her. I guess they’re not together anymore though.
Case 3 – Carly
This was my favourite. Carly was a 35 year old woman who had a habit of masturbating herself ALL night EVERY night (YEAH BABY!). While this was causing her no physical pain or discomfort and was not in fact detrimental to her health in any way, it was preventing her husband from sleeping properly. HAHAHA no shit!!!!
If I was really really late for a meeting in which I was about to be given £10 million pounds, but would get nothing if I was late, there’s two sights that could make me halt my journey. One is a hideous car crash. The other is a woman masturbating.
Again, let’s assume that in the billion to one chance her husband really didn’t appreciate her pleasuring herself, surely he could have just slept in a different room. What is this obsession couples have with sleeping in the same bed? Why can’t you have sex, have a chat if you must and then troop off to separate beds? Surely you get a better nights sleep, no one steals the covers, you don't wake each other up when you go to the toilet, you don’t have to watch the other one wanking continuously and there’s no danger of accidentally getting the shit raped out of you. But, no…best to just tolerate it. Bite on a book, think of England, take some sleeping pills, put a pillow over your head and so on, all seem preferable than parting from each other at a time when you’re both unconscious anyway.
Carly is concerned that this may cause the break-up of her marriage. I assume she has a pool table in her spare room too. To be fair though Carly, if you’re married to someone who doesn’t want to watch you frig yourself off every night and is too dumb to just sleep somewhere else anyway, then you’re better off with a divorce aren't you? Yes that's what I thought. If you do get a divorce, there's this guy called Ben I could introduce you to.
1 comments:
LOL
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