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"by showing people that

we have the vision of the future
that will carry this country
optimistically in my view into
its next phase."

Huh? What in the name of Jesus and all those he fucked, does that mean? This was Gordon Brown's plan of attack for assuaging the rage and raw hatred being directed at him and his Government by almost everyone now. It's not a very confident plan though is it people.

Let's ignore for a second that it's rhetorical political non-speak - only Americans can talk more than politicians without actually saying anything - let's focus on how he's actually phrased his strategy:

He reckons they have the vision of the future that will carry this country into it's next phase. But he thinks this is an optimistic vision? In other words, we reckon at a push we can make the progression into it's next phase, but we're odds against. Oh spiffing. Well, that'll stop my Dad rationing bread and petrol then.

And what in tarnation is "it's next phase.?" I hate hate hate hate this kind of language. It doesn't fucking mean anything. Aarrrggghhhh. This kind of horse hockey irritates me more than women who want to know where their relationships are "going." What do you fucking mean where's it going???

If Gordon Brown wanted to halt the growing number of people desperate to see him developing an aggressive form of bollock cancer then he ought to just stop being such a patronising wanker and stop speaking in clichés and sound bites.

All he's basically said here is he wants the future of Britain to be significantly better than it is now. He hasn't gone as far as to answer the question and let us know how he's going to go about it.

I could have the vision of the future to take this country into it's next phase (isn't that a tautology anyway) but if it's next phase is an economic depression where we all start eating each other because we can't afford to buy biscuits, it won't win me any elections.

Next time I'm asked where my relationship is going I shall reply that for any relationship to progress to the next phase it requires vision, a vision for the future that involves compromise and a consensus view and there have been 63% more compromises with me than with any of your previous partners. I am for listening and a brighter future, they were for silence and watching football.

I just hope the next phase of his career involves someone close to him taking him out to the barn with a shot gun and putting him out of his misery. If the gun happens to misfire once or twice all's the better, it's really the kindest thing to do.

My shot in the dark yesterday in the first classic of the year almost looked like being a respectable bet, so let's see if today's pin the tail on Asno approach fares any better.

So I've reading Gus Hansen's book about his victory in the Aussie Millions. He documents every hand he plays over the five days and it's all very interesting stuff. He's a very clever man is Gus and it's a very interesting read.

If you're wondering what goes through a profeshnial's head when they're playing in these tournaments, it's well worth a read. Of course now the problem for me, is that this was a deep stack slow structured five day tournament, but I'll end up playing this same way for a laugh at my next £50 freeze-out - 5,000 chips - 15 minute blinds and be out in the first hand. I shall shave my hair off too for method acting purposes.

The few hands I'll play will be exciting though. Wooooooo. For a laugh I'm gonna do a hand for hand in my next game in case any of you want to get inside my head. I don't think you do though do you? A ha ah ha ahahahahahahahahahaha

I'm seeing a pattern in some of the criticisms leveled at Boris Johnson and Barack Obama during their respective election campaigns. Generally by dirty thick people who don't know which fork to eat their starter with when they eat out - mainly because they don't give you cutlery at Denny's. You know what I'm talking about.. accusations of elitism and over privilege.

I think really this is the proles being skeered of clever, educated and articulate people who use long words all the time. The concerns are disproportionate and unwarranted. First of all proles, if being Mayor of London or Prez of Merca isn't elitist then I don't like strawberry cornetto's. Ken Livinsgtone and George Bush are two of the most elitist dudes in the western world.

Bush in particular comes from a family of oil baron cabillionaires, former Presidents, CEO's and various other gits. He's the very definition of over privileged elitism. It's only because he looks and sounds like the village idiot with his aw-shucks twang and blissful perpetually unaware yokel grin, that he's not considered elitist.

Don't you want someone in office with a better education than you and some one who is over-privileged? It's a good thing if you can't understand what they're talking about. Surely you need someone who will be capable of forming concordant relationships with all the other perceived elitist toffee-nosed world leader dudes?

You can't invite the various Arabic leaders to dinner for example and be spilling your peas all over the table cloth and disgusting them with talk of Pop Idol and the convenience of microwaved sausages. Dear lord, oil would be $200 a barrel before the after eights were served.

I'm very worried about the current trend amongst certain grubby and uneducated sections of society who look upon the educated and wealthy with suspicion. I must be public enemy number one two and three.

How can it be? Those who do get out of the bath when they need a piss are considered untrustworthy, yet those who don't even get of the bath when they need a shit are considered custodians of all that is good and decent?

I exclude the Mensa people from the trustworthy educated types of course. They're trying to con me you see. Con me with flattery. I took their home test and low and behold, they're telling me that my score was indeed in the top 2% of the country which if confirmed in a supervised test costing just £15, would warrant an invite into their wee society.

Call me cynical, but I'm wondering if either they're lying and didn't even look at my test, or the questions were just a smidgen easier than the pwoper test and they just want my £15. Not that I'm doubting my intellect of course, but I didn't find question 2 for example all that challenging:

If Jill has two sweets and James has four sweets how many sweets does Wazim have if he has four sweets?

Hmmmm, perhaps I'm under estimating myself, but as Elvis Presley once said, I'm a bit suspicious.

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