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Alright listen up people, we've got a lot to get through this afternoon so let's get started. First of all, excuse me if I'm typing slow I'm using one hand as I somehow managed to bust up my left shoulder in my sleep on Wednesday night.

I've spoken to the medical dudes and my X-Ray is clear, they've assured me it is not broken or dislocated as was first feared but unfortunately, they said I am still a twat for rendering a whole arm useless while sleeping. All those times I've mocked John McCain for having spastic arms and I have one myself now. Jesus was listening.

Secondly, or perhaps firstly still, am I in fact still asleep? Do you recall that whole bizarre storyline in Dallas where Bobby Ewing was killed but they decided to bring him back after a year or something cause no one was watching Dallas anymore, so they made out it was all a dream thus invalidating a whole season of shows? Do you? Well I'm just now wondering if the same sort of thing isn't happening to me now.

Hopefully I'll wake up some time soon and Sarah Palin won't exist, John McCain won't have won his parties nomination for the Presidential elections, this whole freakin' economic melt down won't have happened and I'll be able to have some me time left handed.

What in the wild wild world of sports is going on people? American is having a giant shit and it's going to land on us. Fortunately George W. Bush showed some typically awesome leadership in his address to the nation, just as he did prior to the invasion of Iraq.

At a time when the Mercan people are looking to be reassured that the end of the world isn't round the corner and their confidence restored, just when they needed their leader to give a heartening fire-side address to assuage their alarm, Bush instead gives a speech that had the whole country shitting in its collective strides.

"We're gonna end as a nation if you don't give me license to do what the fuck I want with 2 trillion of your tax dollars in the next 24 hours. This is not a time for checks and balances and wasting time with that constitoootion shizzle, just give me more billions and billions and hundreds of millions of billions of dollars than any President has ever asked for in the history of the nation or else China will be moving in tomorrow."

That's leadership for you. I can just imagine him in the event of a fire in a cinema trampling on young children and old ladies to get to the exits first. Did he expect the Mercan people to say eeer OK I guess that's a good deal after all you were so right the last time you told us our very freedom was under threat, dang.

Maybe it's cause he's out of a job in a few weeks and doesn't give a shit, but even for a callous psychopathic morally bankrupt loony-toon like Bush that speech took some front. After everything that man has done to American, to guilt them one last time into giving up even more money they don't have to socialise a generational debt from banks that'll eventually privatise all the profits is something I didn't think even he was capable of. And not even the slightest concession that he may have been in some way to blame for this mess.

All the other stuff that's gone on with McCain suspending his campaign and Sarah Palin proving her doubters right and supporters wrong, with one of the most spectacularly cringeworthy interviews ever ever in TV history ever...surely none of this really happened?

I could watch hours of Tim Westwood if it meant I never had to watch a second of Sarah Palin trying to sound informed. Or that Darius bloke from a few years ago doing his Britney Spears cover. It's nothing compared to how mortifyingly shameful Sarah Palin's offerings are on the economy and foreign policy. She even had little cards to help her remember how to answer, but when asked about why the $700 billion was needed bless her she looked at the wrong card and went on some rambling speech about health care.