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I've slept almost all of this week. Either that or I've been interfered with by people's unknown. But fortunately I'm myself again now just in time for the new football season. A summer of no football has rejuvenated by passion for the game.

Before we discuss some of my wagers for the weekend, one or two predictions for the season: I do feel that Hull City will return from whence they came. Something tells me they might struggle a bit. Them being totally without pedigree and being completely out of their depth for example.

I think with teams as shit as Hull and teams from places as shit as Hull, promotion should be awarded not earned. I think there ought to be a vote; finishing top of the coca-cola championship 1st division 2nd league is not enough.

The current Premiership sides should be balloted as to wherever or not they really could tolerate visiting these places and vote accordingly. I'll never understand why the Germans bothered with Hull.

A 'Norris Vote' we could call it in honour of Henry Norris who was able to relegate Tottenham when he was Chairman of Arsenal and have the gunners replace them in the top flight despite the Arsenal only finishing 5th in the 2nd division that glorious season of 1918.

I actually fancy Stoke to stay up and Fulham to disappear forever along with Bolton. I quite like the idea of Mark Hughes being first manager to lose his job/resign. I dislike him and wish him only incredible hardship and woe for the rest of his life.

I'm loath to make any predictions as far as Champions are concerned because the Arsenal I hope, will be involved, and I'm superstitious about involving them in wagers. Football is a religion really in that one can blindly follow ones team without any concern for perspective and objectivity.

It's why people lose so much money betting on Tottenham and Liverpool every year. I'm quite sure we'll see the resurrection of Christ before we see that god awful collective of evil from up the seven sisters in the Champions League. I fancy Liverpool to finish about 6th this year and a new man in charge forthwith with less silly facial furniture.

Finally I'm quite keen on Ferguson having a heart attack this year. Not necessarily wishing one on him, but I feel he's due and if it happens to happen live on Sky Sports and we see him writhing about in agony and maybe some shit plopping out from his trouser leg onto his shoes, then so be it.

Now then on to some wagers. There is no research anymore in my wagers, it's completely down to instinct and how the bones lie. So I very much implore you not to follow these efforts. I'm simply discussing my weekend comings and some of my goings with you.

Footballing efforts: Treble: Hull City (despite what I just said about them), Stoke City (see Hull City), Middlesbrough; Double: Reading, Wolves

Olympics: Swimming Cavic to beat Phelps - kicking off in about 45 minutes or swimming off - dive off - whatever. I won't be betting on the 20km walk, because that is not a sport. Fuck off and get a proper job if that's all you can manage. Think of your children; the pride when they tell their friends their father is an Olympian then the shame, ridicule and bullying when they explain in which event.

MotoGP: Valentino Rossi to win the Czech Republic grand prix