Voy Por Ustedes

I'm fascinated by nerds, I always have been. A dorkologist will be able to give you the exact total of nerd species so far recorded, but I'm quite certain they're second in diversity only to beetles.

In direct contrast to beetles - the lady bird being the only species of which I find appealing; I'm agreeable to all species of nerds with the exception of nauseosus dorkus interrogarius - the quiz nerd. I forget what the collective noun is for quiz nerds, I think it's an 'arrogance,' but you'll excuse me if I'm mistaken.

But anywho, in the beer garden of the Three Pigeons last night for the summer quiz, the Witney (inc. Carterton) Mob did lock horns with an Arrogance of quiz nerds, easily recognisable by the presence of fold away chairs brought from home - and much as it pains me to concede, these nimrods handed us our asses. They didn't even offer us some of their fucking chocolate. I hope they have spots this morning.

The gauntlet has been laid down though. I vow never again to lose to such an appalling gathering of 'own chairers.' It was close you see. Ooooh so close. With just one round of 12 questions remaining we were within a gnats fanny hair of their total. Two points! Just one question separated us! By Gah! The final round of "In what year" questions were our Achilles heel though.

It's only the true quiz nerd that can stow away such unnecessary data. I for example, know what caused the Iranian embassy siege, I know how it ended and I know the SAS's intervention was called, ironically, operation Nimrod; I cannot, unfortunately, recall the year; the least significant fact of the whole encounter. I guessed at 1982. It was 1980. A quizzer will tell you the when and the what, but never the how and the why. The male of the species almost certainly remains a virgin deep into his twenty's and sometimes thirties too.

The next quiz is in September, if I must become one of the them to beat them, then so be it. I shall henceforth get my learn on. I will be reborn a nerd, a quizzing Greek hidden in the arse of a gift horse, they won't suspect a thing. My own Operation Nimrod. Beware of Geeks baring gifts you chocolate eating cunts. And of course if there's one thing more beautiful than the birth of a nerd it's the agonising death throes of a defeated quiz nerd.