What were we all playing at in the 80's with the clothes and what not? I used to wear Grolsch beer bottle tops on my shoes for fucks sake. I also had an enormous Euro haircut (white mans afro). It was the size of a basketball. I used two cans of hairspray a day to puff it out. No shit, hairspray. Ha, bless us all, everyone.
Hee hee, who remembers these chaps?
11/08/2007 02:11:00 am
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The truth was spoken by
Rich
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They're just saying this to annoy me now I think. I was saying just a few days ago that science boffins spend all their time doing fuck all and then publish some extremely tenuous conclusions and theories in the medical journals to justify their funding, when this load of horse-hockey masquerading as medical research appears between the useless pages of the Pediatrics Journal; "Sleep may cut childhood obesity."First of all American Scientists, if you can't even spell Paediatrics properly don't expect your research to be taken seriously. Secondly, this is bullshit. If a kid slept for 24 hours for a month, which is basically a coma, then maybe a few lbs would be lost, but it's not a lack of sleep that causes obesity in children is it? It's simply the fact that kids today do fuck all in the way of exercise and spend most of their waking moments eating cakes and chocolate. You don't need a Ph.D to appreciate the consequences of consuming 4000 calories a day in chocolate if the only physical exertion in your day is lifting your fat arse off the sofa to go and get more chocolate.
Some of these kids could get ten hours sleep a day and they'd still have plenty of time to wade through a box of celebrations, a tub of strawberry ice cream and a kilo of chocolate flap jacks. I'm sorry fat kids, but if there's one single child in your class who gets no sleep and is still thin, then this research is worthless. Surely the reason you feel hungry more often if you only get five hours sleep per night than someone who gets eight hours, is because you're awake longer and need more fuel to keep you going, but that doesn't give you license to eat two kilo's of chocolate mousse before school.
The reason so many kids are fat little bastards now is because the blame has been taken away from the parents. In fact, parents are no longer held accountable for their children's development in any way shape or form. They have been completely assuaged from responsibility. If a child is 7 years old and weighs the same as a Fiat Punto, it's their glands. If a kid is 13 and been arrested once a week since his 8th birthday, society has let the poor little darling down. If by school leaving age a kid can't even hold a pen properly let alone pass an exam, it'll be the lack of funding in Comprehensive schools.
For this I blame political correctness, human rights activists, the European Union and call centres. You're no longer allowed to point the finger of blame at someone without breaching their human rights. Consequently, parents (most of whom appear to be children themselves) are now free to rear the most hideous generation of blubbery pigeon toed illiterate foul mouthed shits and since they're under no pressure from anyone to provide them with any form of nutrition, either in their diet or any other area of their upbringing, they can meander down the parenting path of least resistance providing minimal moral guidance, only one or two hugs per year and food that comes out of a box that tastes better than the food. That's why Mums go to Iceland.
Think we're Tom Cruise do we sir
11/06/2007 05:22:00 pm
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The truth was spoken by
Rich
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Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road . One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea. Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.
Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style:
"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.
Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed…..Good Day..."
I wish this story was a joke, but sadly it isn't. My research conducted by my flying monkeys made redundant when their scene in The return to Oz was cut, has shown me that now only 2% 0f the population of the country has the capacity for independent thought, for the other 98% it's a case of monkey see, monkey do. If that 2% all called in sick one day the country would be on the brink of collapse by the time Loose Women reached it's first advert break on ITV. This means we are one flu epidemic away from essentially having the country over-run with unsupervised gorillas. I know, I'm scared too.
--From the Manchester Evening News
A LOTTERY scratchcard has been withdrawn from sale by Camelot - because players couldn't understand it.The Cool Cash game - launched on Monday - was taken out of shops yesterday after some players failed to grasp whether or not they had won.
To qualify for a prize, users had to scratch away a window to reveal a temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. As the game had a winter theme, the temperature was usually below freezing.
But the concept of comparing negative numbers proved too difficult for some Camelot received dozens of complaints on the first day from players who could not understand how, for example, -5 is higher than -6.
Tina Farrell, from Levenshulme, called Camelot after failing to win with several cards.
The 23-year-old, who said she had left school without a maths GCSE, said: "On one of my cards it said I had to find temperatures lower than -8. The numbers I uncovered were -6 and -7 so I thought I had won, and so did the woman in the shop. But when she scanned the card the machine said I hadn't."I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is higher - not lower - than -8 but I'm not having it.
"I think Camelot are giving people the wrong impression - the card doesn't say to look for a colder or warmer temperature, it says to look for a higher or lower number. Six is a lower number than 8. Imagine how many people have been misled."
A Camelot spokeswoman said the game was withdrawn after reports that some players had not understood the concept.
She said: "The instructions for playing the Cool Cash scratchcard are clear - and are printed on each individual card and in the game procedures available at each retailer. However, because of the potential for player confusion we have decided to withdraw the game."
More than 15m adults in Britain have poor numeracy - the equivalent of a G or below at GCSE maths
Almost three times as many UK adults (15.1m) have poor numeracy - the equivalent of a G or below at GCSE maths - than with poor literacy skills, according to the government's Skills for Life survey.
Peter Hall, of the Association of Teachers of Mathematics, said: "The concept of minus numbers is something we would cover with 11 or 12 year olds, and we would expect them to have come across it before.
"The concept of smaller numbers is something that some people do seem to struggle with. Seven is clearly smaller than eight, so they focus on that and don't really see the minus sign. There is also a subtle difference in language between smaller - or lower - and colder. The number zero feels lower.
"There have always been some people who find numbers and basic mathematics difficult. Maybe in the past it was less noticeable because people could find jobs they could excel in without having qualifications in maths."
The best-laid plans of mice and men go oft awry
11/05/2007 01:42:00 pm
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The truth was spoken by
Rich
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comments (0)
I bought a newspaper today. By page 5 I realised why I never buy newspapers. How depressing. Poor Rodney King after taking an ass-whupping from the LAPD ten years ago asked his country and the wider world, 'can't we all just get along?" I'm afraid the answer is still a most definite no.
For example, Pakistan. Now Pakistan was always destined to be a godforsaken place...er obviously, since it's an Islamic state founded to give India's Muslims a place to oppress their women and wear silly hats in "peace." But what I mean is, any project undertaken on foundations of religious nonsense is doomed.Religion makes no sense anyway, but Islam is the biggest load of bollocks out of all of them. I mean, with your Bible you've got a beginning a middle and an end and although it's laced with a series of contradictions and sexual deviation, it's message is generally virtuous, although is still bastardised to fuel peoples random hatreds of one group of people or another.
The Qur'an however, is just chapter upon chapter of rhetorical drivelling ambiguity with no clear message and thus, through a combination of abrogation and paranoid lunacy, provides an open opportunity for your basic, violent, fruit baskets to use it as a means of justifying their own oppressive ideologies and anyone who dares to question it is considered to be stirring up religious hatred, which is so ironic and ridiculous it's very difficult to know where to start to explain why.
So anyway...any state with a non-secular Government will inevitably be a crappy and extremely violent place to live, but, it's really their own fault, so leave them to it I always say. We in this country know better of course, but if you pop out for a pint of milk after dark, you'll be doing well if you return without being accosted by a gang of misunderstood youngsters. I know I've just expressed my loathing of all things religious, but I can't help believing that a series of public teenage crucifixions wouldn't go someway to installing a bit of respect and decency in this hooded social menace. The Romans would have our town centres secured in no time.
If global violence in one form or another wasn't depressing enough the newspaper also ran a story detailing scientists attempts to genetically engineer super-mice! This is terrible news for cats and huge black women from the southern states of America (Thooooomas!) ..but it's also
another complete waste of time, money and genius from Science boffins. This sort of thing really reeeally pisses me off.Why can't these people use their research to cure some fucking diseases? Instead of making incredibly strong mice, why not make incredibly weak humans, normal?? The thought of a bunch of nerdy scientists marveling over a mouse that can run for three days without a cheese break, and spending millions to achieve it is enough to make me dry wretch in disgust.
For fucks sake, you people were given enormous brains and limited social skills to make a difference to mankind. While you're fucking about with Uber-vermin, there's an awful lot of people struggling to negotiate a single steep flight of stairs without tremendous wheezing. And don't give me that shit about the benefits this will have to humans "eventually," cause I've been hearing that shit since I was a kid.
It's always the same with research teams. You get your miwyans of pounds in grant money and piss it up the wall creating strong rodents, then claim eventually it'll lead to a cure for diabetes so they don't cut your funding. When was the last time you people cured anything? Bastards.
In other news and on a brighter note, I did something cool today. I dropped my mobile phone, but with my cat like reflexes I was able to volley it back into my hands - using my left foot too! Unfortunately no one was there to witness it. If Georgie Thompson from Sky Sports News had of seen it I might have got a shag off her, or at least a blowie.
Speaking of delicious lady folk, I saw an interesting package today as I returned home. A lovely face, silky black-blue hair, perfectly pert breasts and a look in her almond shaped eyes that promised nothing but suggested everything...the tease. However, her arse and hips wouldn't have looked out of place on the winner of the St Ledger. Huge they were! How on earth do so many women achieve this physical contradiction? It's such a shame. I have a feeling it has something to do with working in a call-centre, I can't really expand on this theory, but I continue to hold call-centre work accountable for many individual and social deformations and anomalies.The end.
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